Looking Ahead

December has come in like a lion in our house.  A virus with high fevers that lasts for days makes for a lot time spent at home.  It's given me the opportunity to slow down a bit, read, and really think about the upcoming New Year.

2015 has been a year of reaching goals, celebrating our victories, and enjoying a lot of adventures on the road.  It's been an amazingly productive year and we have worked hard to set ourselves up for a less stressful future.

2016 is shaping up to look very similar, but filled with new goals, projects, and adventures. It's also going to be a year of change.  Positive change.  Much-needed change.

I have spent some time mulling ideas around in my head and forming some concrete goals for change.  The saying, "Old habits die hard," comes to the forefront of my mind when I think about making these changes, but I, together with my husband and family, am going to prove that no-good saying wrong.

You see, it's time to re-focus on what's most important:  relationships.  People.  Those living within the walls of our home, our friends and family we hold so dear, and those we encounter in our daily lives whom we do not even know.  It is time to start seeing people for who they are, accepting them as they are, and acknowledging and helping those who are in need in whatever capacity we can.

Forget the stuff.  None of that matters.  The only thing that truly matters are the relationships we develop, cultivate, and grow.

Forget the ego-centric, entitled, self-absorbed slope our society seems to be sliding down.  So much that I read says we are raising an entitled generation of kids.  I hate to say it, but typically it seems that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Few people want to be "doers."  After all,  stepping up, taking the lead, and actively engaging in your community takes time.  Many assume others have more time; that someone will come forward and lead so they don't have to.  People perceive their time to me more limited, more valuable than others, yet often those that choose to be "doers" have little time leftover because they're filling the roles others will not.  We all make decisions on how we spend the twenty-four hours we're given each day. Some choose to do, others choose to silently sit on the sidelines, and still others choose to complain yet offer none of their time to improve the situation.        

If you're not a "doer," I challenge you to take the time to reflect on how you use your time.  Somewhere in your schedule, there has to be time for you to fill a role in the community in which you live.  We all need to show up for each other.  We need to set an example for our children and SHOW them what it means to be part of a community.  We need to do our part to connect people and help those who are struggling in our communities.  We're all able...we just need to make the choice to do so.

2015 was the Year to Get Sh*t Done.  2016 is going to be the Year to Get Sh*t Done AND the Year of People.  I can't wait to see where this year takes me personally, as well as my family.  The people I will meet, the benefits of giving of our time and resources, and the change we can make leading those in our community is exciting.  The journey continues.

Refueling the Tank

We did it.  After months and months of talking about going away for our tenth anniversary we pulled off the band-aid and booked a trip...one week before we left.  What a fantastic decision it was!  You may wonder how we could pull that off given we have four kids who needed to be taken care of while we were gone, but putting a bug into the grandma's ears several months ago helped.  We asked them to keep that week free, just in case, and bless their hearts they did.

My husband and I looked at several different destinations over the course of the past year and finally ended up choosing Boston.  This may sound like an odd choice in November, but it was perfect!  We landed there because we found a fantastic flight deal from Chicago and just ran with it.  We ate (a lot), walked all over the city, and hit up a few pubs to relax and enjoy the music.  It was a quick trip, but filled with so much sightseeing, eating (did I mention that?!), and uninterrupted time together that it was well worth it.  Three quiet dinners in a row was amazing!

The kids all survived (even though a tornado literally passed behind our house while we were away!) and, if I'm being honest, may have enjoyed their time away from us just as much as we did from them.  My husband and I don't get away enough alone, but have vowed to try to make a quick getaway work for our anniversary each year from now on.  Picking a place to explore together and taking it in is so worth the time and the money.

I returned refreshed and feeling significantly less stagnant.  I feel a little more calm and motivated to work on this not-so-little unit called my family.  I've read time and time again that the mother in the household sets the tone.  Most days, I am not setting a very good one, as the chaos of the morning before school routine usually gets the best of me.

However, on this dreary Monday morning I got my troops out the door with little "loud voice" usage.  I even had time on our short trip to school to give them a little challenge.  I asked them to seek out a kid in their class they wouldn't typically talk to, tell them good morning, and ask how their weekend was.

I asked them if there were any kids who may be lonely because other kids don't include them or are mean to them.  I was so pleased when my kids didn't think there was anyone in their class like that-I hope that it is true.  We talked about how there are many kids who experience this on a daily basis and discussed how they might feel.  Sad is what came to their minds.  We talked about their responsibilities at school:  to be kind to others, to listen to their teacher, and do their best.

I dropped my kiddos off at school and left with a full heart.  That simple, meaningful conversation left me filled with so much joy.  Boy, have I been missing out on those stressful mornings before school.  Today may have just been the lesson that I needed.

Spending a few minutes talking with my precious brood before I send them out into this uncertain world is important.  I want to build my kids up and encourage them to do the same for their peers.  If lessons like I shared with them this morning are the last thing they hear before walking through the doors of the school, it may just make it easier for them to take action.

We live in an unstable, scary world right now, but we cannot let fear overcome our lives.  What we can do is take care of our corner of the world and it starts with the people living within the walls of our homes.  We can raise children who choose kindness over cruelty, empathy over indifference, and go out of their way to seek out the lonely and mistreated.

It took some time away to refuel the tank, but I'm back with a vengeance and ready to nurture and guide my family.  I am committed to leading by example rather than standing behind empty words.

I hope you are, too.  Mamas, let's join together and do our share to raise a generation of thoughtful, kind, and compassionate kids.  Let us seek out the lonely and oppressed.  Let us set a positive tone for our families and when we feel like we just can't give anymore, may we be kind to ourselves and find the time to refuel.

Running on empty simply isn't good for anyone.

I love this song.  Each time I hear it on the radio, it strikes a chord within me, and I wanted to share it with you!  Enjoy!

Balance

November is upon us and with that comes the gentle reminder to count your blessings.  In my heart I know I have been abundantly blessed in my years on this earth.  I had a great childhood, married a wonderful man, have four amazing kids, and a great support system of friends and family.  I have more than I would ever need and the opportunity to stay at home, raise my family, and volunteer my time as I see fit.  On paper this all sounds gloriously awesome, so I can't help but feel guilty that deep within my soul I feel like I'm suffocating.

I don't believe I am alone.  I have many friends who stay at home with their darling little children and these questions seem to come out quite often:  who am I and what is next?  Staying home with your children is hard.  It is easy to lose yourself with the demands of everyday life, decreased socialization, and years of little sleep.

All of my life I have been a busy person.  I participated in various sports, joined clubs, played the piano, sang in my church choir, and preferred to be on the go rather than stuck at home.  I was a gifted student, had a lot of drive, and was always full of ideas.  I know I am wired to go, go, go.

 In my mind I am still that young, free person who can pursue those dreams and have the freedom to go when I choose, but in reality it just doesn't work anymore.  I have a large family and a husband who works long hours and travels.  My primary job is to make sure this household is running as smoothly as possible and the kids are cared for, but that person who wants to be independent, on the move, engaged in activities, and making plans is living inside of me yearning to be free.

Perhaps it sounds selfish and those who know me well may be thinking, "What?  She's always busy with something," but while I may seem busy it is so hard to finish what I started because life always seems to get in the way.  There always seems to be something: someone is sick, I have no one to watch the kids, or simply no energy left once everyone has been put to bed for the night.

Perhaps my viewpoint would be different if I had a career with tangible rewards:  a paycheck, a promotion, a pat on the back for a job well done.  Maybe a set schedule, clear expectations, and set tasks to finish the job would help.  These thoughts and the desire to work played a large roll in the development of my newly launched small business.  Truth is, I don't know if it will make a difference.  Only time will tell.

My focus this year on getting sh*t done has yielded many great results, but it has also caused me to look inside of myself more and try to pinpoint what is fulfilling in my life and what is missing.  Reflection is important for growth, but it can also be painful.  It is hard to admit that motherhood is more of a challenge than I ever could have imagined.  It is hard to admit that, while I will always love my kids, there are days that they drive me crazy.  It is hard to admit that I struggle, day in and day out, with what I should be doing with my life rather than enjoying the path I have chosen.  It is so hard for me to just live in the moment.  

So while I may be sitting her stifling my feelings of suffocation, I am also eternally grateful to be the beneficiary of so many blessings.  One day I hope to achieve a sense of balance; of being able to fulfill my obligations to my family while staying true to myself and not suppressing who I am wired to be.

Life is a work in progress.  It is time to forge ahead.

No Need to Cringe When You Hear this "F" Word Anymore

Do you cringe when you hear the "f" word?  No, I'm not talking about that "f" word, friend.  I am talking about this "f" word:  finances.

One of the greatest areas of achievement we've had as a couple this year is in the finance department.  This tends to be a touchy topic and can make people very uncomfortable.  I am here to tell you, it doesn't have to be.  If you're feeling stressed about money and unsure how to make a positive change, there is a way out.  You'll need to be committed and patient, but I promise if you stick with it and have some discipline, you'll see results.

For years, we thought we were decent money managers, but after reading the Total Money Makeover, we realized we had a lot of room for improvement.  When my husband and I made the commitment to follow Dave Ramsey's plan to financial freedom, we didn't know how working through the steps would impact our lives.  It has been nothing but positive.  There have been fewer money-related arguments and our anxiety level has been greatly reduced.

Having a budget and following a financial plan doesn't mean you have to stop having fun.  We can't always do everything we get the itch to do, but we've still had plenty of good times along this journey.  We've had date nights, vacations, and plenty of fun outings with the kids.  The only difference now?  We've budgeted for them!

We are following a new rule:  if we don't have the cash, we don't buy it.  This is one of the hardest parts of the project.  A new TV has been on our list all year, but the time to buy hasn't come yet.  I am sure the day we finally get that new TV, we'll leave feeling accomplished and happy, rather than guilty and stressed about where the money to pay for it will come from.

This all stems back to my word for the year:  discipline.  Patience and the ability to say no will go a long way.

We've worked hard this year and made significant progress through these steps.  In a few days, we'll have fully funded our emergency plan and be moving on to the next steps to financial freedom.  Our ultimate goal is to have our home paid off by the time our oldest heads off to college.  We've got ten years to get there, but by staying committed to our plan, I'm confident we can do it.

It is amazing to have a clear plan and be working toward very tangible goals.  If you struggle with money, please do yourself a favor and read Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover.  It is certainly not rocket science, but reading through it and creating a plan that works for you will be worth your time.

My husband and I wish we would have started this years ago, but on the positive side:  better late than never.  Let me know if you take the plunge and share your success stories right here at 2015:  The Year to Get Sh*t Done.  

The Best Yes May Really Be a No

We've made it to mid-September in this year to get sh*t done and I have to say, I am really looking forward to the last few months of this adventure.  2015 has been a productive and eye-opening year on some many fronts and I am thankful for the decision, made so many months ago, to get some goals on paper and intentionally work to achieve them.

That little yellow notebook holds some big-time goals and ambitions and I am so thrilled with the progress I've made as an individual, wife, mother, and friend.  My husband and I have grown as a couple and worked as a team to work toward achieving some amazing goals and milestones for our family.  I believe this is only the beginning and there will definitely be a 2016:  The Year to Get Even More Sh*t Done!

This second half of the year has brought some really positive changes for me emotionally.  After really looking at my life and all of the commitments I had managed to pile on myself, I took a step back and made some changes.  My stress and anxiety levels have gone down significantly and I have gained the most precious gift of all:  time.  The newfound gift of time has lead me to the start of a new and exciting journey:  small business owner.  Life is pretty exciting right now.

You see, sometimes, even though you have the best of intentions, some commitments are just not great for your overall well-being.  As I've shared before, last year I eagerly took a seat on my kids' school's PTA board and worked my ass off all year on fundraisers, social functions, and planning for monthly meetings with a few of my friends.  We picked up the slack when no one else was willing to give of their time and did our best to support our school to the best of our ability.  It was exhausting and took up way too much of my time and, outside of a few parents and the teaching staff, a completely thankless unpaid "job."

My family suffered.  I suffered and in the end, I decided to step down and part ways with the PTA, at least for this year.  Fact of the matter is, I am burnt out and feel I can support my kids' school in a different, more manageable way this year, and truth be told I feel no guilt for my decision.

It's all about perspective.

Fact of the matter is, my kids are blessed to be able to attend school in a top-notch school district.  Each day they go to school well-rested with their bellies full, clean clothes on their backs, their homework completed, and a hug and kiss from their mama.  So many children all over the world cannot say the same.

My husband and I take an active role in our children's education.  School comes first in our home.  We have expectations and make sure our kids are reading each night, practicing their math facts, doing their homework, and getting enough downtime and rest to be ready to learn each day.  We live a privileged life where valuing education is realistic.  So many parents cannot say the same.  They're struggling to find shelter, get food on the table, and care for their families.
 
Personally, my best yes has actually been a no.  Rather than fretting about this or that for the upcoming fall fundraiser, I am able to take the time each day to sit down with each of my kids, discuss their day, look at their schoolwork, and ensure they are completing their homework.

I can make dinner and sit down with my family each night instead of rushing off to planning meetings.  I can spend my evening relaxing, reading a book, and chatting with my husband.  I can go to bed and sleep peacefully without fretting about what I am forgetting.

Last fall I was being pulled in a million directions and not giving my kids the full attention and support they deserved, because I was overwhelmed and over-scheduled.  It's been a great lesson for me and one I won't soon forget.

At the end of the day, my family is my priority.  They deserve the best me and it is hard to be at your best when you're stretched too thin.  If you have too much on your plate or have committed to an organization or activity that brings you little joy, don't feel guilty for making the decision to walk away.

Life's too short to sweat the small things.  Enjoy the gifts you've been given and share your best version of yourself with those you love.   Your family will thank you.

 

     

This School Year I'm NOT Going to Suck...Too Much

Today officially marks the last day of summer vacation.  My kids have been on leave from their schooling duties for 85 days.  Sure, we have two more days with the weekend, but it's Friday.  The last week day they will be home for an extended period of time until Christmas.  We've had a fun summer filled with baseball, playing outside, two LONG family vacations, swimming, and bumming around the house with no schedule.  It hasn't always been sunshine and roses, but I think it's safe to say we made some serious memories and had plenty of fun along the way.

Monday will be here before we know it and I'll be sending my first two kids off to school.  Thursday my third will join his older siblings and we'll be off and running.  This school year I am making a vow not to suck...too much.

I'm going to get up before my kids in the morning and take some time for myself.  Reading, running, exercising at home.  Something.  Just for me.  I would like to replace overtired, stressed, crabby morning Mommy with tolerable, pretty nice, rested Mommy who has started the day off on the right foot.  Kids, take note.  That means you need to stay in your rooms until the time your dad and I have set as an appropriate time to start your morning.  Please, life will be so much better if you do.

We're going to walk to school (well at least until the weather stinks).  That means we'll need to be prepared for school.  Clothes out the night before, homework done and put in backpacks, and lunches prepared.  Joining our friends for a brief walk before the school day begins will be a great way to start off our day.

I will spend my time pursuing my passions.  This is the year I will finally start my very own business (wahoo!!!) and the charity I co-founded will officially be a 501(c)3 organization.  The future looks bright and filled with promise.  My bucket will be filled with these two endeavors and I cannot wait to get at it.

I'm going to say "no" to outside commitments.  Stepping down from the PTA board was my first step (may I say I have not regretted that decision once!) and now it is time to take it just a step further.  I will carefully offer my time to volunteer in activities I enjoy, those that fit my schedule, and most importantly, will not cause crazy amounts of stress.  If all else fails, I will write a check.

I will be organized.  Weekly menus will be planned, grocery shopping will be done while the kids are at school, and meal prep will be done before they get home.  Well, most days anyway.  I am hoping this will restore some sort of peace during the late afternoon and early evening after they've arrived home from school.  With everyone getting into the routine and being a bit tired and crabby, this could make or break our evenings.

 I'll be open to suggestions for fun family activities and extracurricular activities.  If they fit our schedule, don't cost a fortune, and provide exercise or improving a skill, we can talk about it.  Don't get me wrong, we're not going to overload our schedules, but as the kids age I would like to consider their interests and suggestions with an open mind.

Perhaps most importantly, we'll schedule social time for the whole family.  Time with friends, for the young and old, is good for the soul.  Our fall calendar is already filled with fun for the old.  It might sound a little crazy, but our sanity depends on it.  Mama needs to get out of the house and have some fun.  We have been blessed with a great group of neighborhood friends who all have younger kids, too.  We're all eager to break free now and then to refuel our tanks.

 I suppose I should take a look at some things for the kids, too.  Time to bring back the movie nights and throw in some outings to the local museums, parks, and indoor swimming pool.  

There it is.  My plan filled with good intention to not suck this school year.  Last year I was stressed out, overcommitted, out of shape, and tired.  This year IS going to be different.  I'm going to make sure of it.

Here's to more rest, more fun, and a more pleasant household for all!  Welcome back school (and a much quieter house!).

The Next Chapter

Summer is winding down and I must admit, I am looking forward to a little less chaos and noise around the house during the day.  I love my children to death, but they are a force to be reckoned with when they are all together day after day.  By the end of every summer I vow to enroll my kids in some fun activities the next summer, but I don't.  Make a large note, girl...do it!

This particular fall brings about a big change for our family.  Three of our kids will be in school full-time, which means a huge shift in dynamics for me personally during the day:  I will just be left with my youngest.  I haven't had just one child at home in years.  One would think I would want to take full advantage of this and soak up the sanity that is bound to come with this change, but this will not be the case.

I continue to find myself restless.  In fact, if I'm brutally honest, I have been restless since I was home alone with just one child all of those years ago.  It is simply my personality and as hard as I try to stay in the moment and not look ahead, the truth of the matter is I can't.  By nature I am a doer.

For years I have poured myself into different projects to feel fulfilled in a different capacity other than wife and mother.  I frequently question if staying at home was the right decision for me and my kids.  Most would say yes, but there is always that creeping doubt that maybe I would be a better mother if I had chosen a different path.

This staying home gig is no joke.  It is exhausting and tries my patience in ways I never knew possible.  There are days I just want a break from the tantrums, fighting, and noise.  A job outside of the home, though it comes with it's share of challenges as well, seems so very appealing.

We recently returned from an extended road trip and while staying at a hotel I saw so many career men and women gathering in the lobby for breakfast.  There must have been a big national meeting for some company, as they all seemed to know each other.  As I watched these people exchange pleasantries and share updates about their families, I couldn't help but picture myself in their shoes.

What would life be like if I had a career which involved traveling and meeting new people?  Would I feel less restless if I was out there pursuing this path or would I miss my family terribly?

For now, I won't know the answer to these questions anytime soon.  I have no plan to join the corporate world where national sales meetings occur or a job which requires me to travel.  I do, however, have plans to pursue the business venture I started working on several months ago.

If all goes well, I'll soon have a career other than stay-at-home mom, and perhaps those nagging restless thoughts will finally dwindle.  While I'm not ready to officially share what this business venture is just yet, I will say it certainly capitalizes on my job experience over the past 8 years.

In just 13 days the noise level in my house will decrease ten-fold.  There will not be toys strewn all over the floor, sports games being played, and towns being built of blocks.  Lazy mornings in pajamas with breakfast being eaten whenever, will soon give way to the hustle and bustle of getting ready for school and packing lunches.

I know a few weeks after school starts I'll miss my kids.  Such is the cycle we are constantly living.  This time, though, I'll be busy working on starting a career of my own which will hopefully benefit our family in more ways than one.  Only time will tell, bit I'd rather take the risk and get the game rather than watch from the sidelines.

It is the year to get sh*t done.  This next adventure is pretty big sh*t.

Cheers to another chapter closing and new beginnings!

What Was I Thinking, Summer?

48 days ago I was filled with anticipation and thrilled summer vacation was finally upon us.  We picked our kids up from school, finished packing our van, and headed east to the beach on an eleven day road trip.  Our time at the beach was glorious.  So.much.fun.

We returned, took a week to recover, and got into a routine.  Job charts, poker chips, regulated electronic time, limited TV time.  I was on it.  My kids were reading, playing outside, being creative, doing extra chores...you name it.

We had designated school time.  Subjects they wanted to learn more about.  Workbooks.  I was prepared.  All in the name of earning a poker chip.  Earn 5 chips?  You've earned yourself some electronic time.  Bravo!

Fast-forward to mid-July.  My enthusiasm has waned, my fight is gone, and I just don't give a sh*t.  Can we watch a show?  Sure (if it means there will be no fighting, screaming, or wild children for 20 minutes).  Can I play the iPad mini, Kindle, Wii???...yes.  Please.  Just let me have some time.  Alone.  To read.  To think.  To do anything but listen to the chaos.  I'll even take the timer off for you!

My foot is injured.  I can hardly walk.  My husband is traveling.  Dare I say I'd do anything for a day of putting my feet up and doing nothing?  Instead I've schlepped my kids to swim lessons, made a wonderful dinner most of them complained about, and put them to bed later than I had wanted.

Oh, Summer.  Will you ever live up to the expectations I set in May?  Highly unlikely.  Perhaps next year I will learn my lesson.  I'll just let them run wild and throw any and all expectation out the door.  Until then, I'll continue to let things slide.  They have me outnumbered...the sooner I face the facts the better.

On the bright side, 40 days until school starts!  Then I'll be wishing I had these lazy, chaotic, loud days back!

The Halfway Point

I'm halfway through The Year to Get It Done!  The first half of the year has been a mix of enthusiasm and motivation mixed with frustration and feeling completely overwhelmed.  This year is a bit of a whole-life makeover and some areas have seen better growth than others.  I suppose this is to be expected when taking on a project of this size.  Consistency and balance are hard to achieve when you throw in a husband, four children, and running a household, but when I reflect on the past six months it is evident this project has had positive outcomes on both an individual and family level.

Many goals have been set and tweaked in nearly every area of life.  From physical fitness to relationships and all things in between, I have carefully considered the personal changes I'd like to make and goals I'd like to achieve.  This process lead me to my word for the year:  discipline.  I would love to say I've stayed the course each day, but there have been more setbacks and struggles than I can count.  There are days I have wanted to throw in the towel and dismiss this project all together, but my inner voice encourages me to keep going.  To fight through the struggles and persevere.  After all, nothing worth doing is ever easy.

There have been some big wins already this year:  we became debt-free (other than our house) and are making great strides building up our six month emergency savings plan, date nights and outings with friends have become a regular occurrence each month, I ran my first 5-mile race (and recently signed up for the 7-mile race which was my ultimate goal), we've taken one family vacation and are gearing up for another, and we have officially filed for a 501(c)3 status for the charity I co-founded.

Many other small goals have also been met and each day and I continue to pray and reflect on discovering who I am outside of "mom" and "wife."  I'm transitioning into a different season of life and working to create a business which allows me put the skills I possess to good use, pursue my passions, help others, and still allow me the flexibility to be here for my family.  Adding to our family financially will also reap many benefits and help us achieve our goals.    

As I head into the second half of The Year to Get It Done I am filled with a renewed sense of determination.  I am ready to pull my notebook out again, review my goals, and create a realistic plan to achieve them.  I pray for discipline and the ability to forge ahead and be able to clearly see the results of the work I have put in.

I look forward to the journey and watching our story unfold...one day at a time.

      

 

Uncertainty

Since returning from vacation, I have spent most of the week feeling the restlessness and wonder creep back in.  The months of hard work and preparation for our trip are over.  The goals I had set to earn money for the trip were met.  Our purpose was clear:  sit on the beach, enjoy time as a family, and soak up the sun.  Vacation was relaxing.  Returning to the daily grind has not been.

Too often I struggle with focusing on what I want to do with my life.  I took for granted the simplicity of it all those years ago when I graduated from college.  It was pretty cut and dry then:  graduate and  find a teaching job.  Now?  Not so much.

In the fall, three of my kids will be in school full-time leaving my sweet little toddler home solo.  I can see the next life phase slowly coming into focus, but I feel so lost and without direction.  There are many different business avenues I'd love to explore, interests I'd love to pursue, and, of course, continuing to grow the charity I love so dearly, but I struggle with focus and pinpointing the direction I want to move in.

It's so very, very frustrating and exhausting.  For as long as I can remember my path has been relatively clear:  student, teacher, mother...you get the picture.  The lack of clarity drives me crazy and for a Type A, idea-filled mind like mine, it is kind of torturous.  I know, I know.  It's all about the journey, but sometimes it is hard to patient when you want to go full-speed ahead.  

I am confident my teaching days are over, at least in a school setting.  So much has changed since I left the profession eight years ago and there are so many laws and requirements I disagree with, I just don't think it's for me anymore.  So, where does that leave me?

I can easily pinpoint what brings me happiness, joy, and fulfillment.  I am just not sure how to transition it into more than an an unpaid hobby.  I didn't major in business, after all, so whatever route I take will probably not be crystal clear or easy.

In the end, I want a career that makes me feel alive.  I want to wake up each day feeling passionate and knowing my work is helping someone else.  Most of all, I want to feel my purpose is being fulfilled without putting too much stress and strain on my family.

Let the journey continue...hopefully a clear direction will present itself soon.

When Passion and Purpose Meet

Today I am linking up with Jill Savage and Hearts at Home for Third Thursday Thoughts.  This month's theme is Unleash Your Power to Inspire. 

We have been blessed with a purpose.

"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.  Do not forsake the work of your hands."  Psalm 138:8

We have been blessed with gifts and talents which will help us fulfill this purpose, but piecing together the puzzle may leave us with feelings of frustration, restlessness, doubt, and fear.  We may have to try and fail many times, but be steadfast in your faith, listen to your heart, and do not give up. 

"Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you by prophecy when the council of elders laid their hands on you."  1 Timothy 4:14

We have been blessed with a passion and when we partake in activities that incorporate this passion while simultaneously fulfilling our purpose, an indescribable feeling washes over us.  Our hearts are filled with joy and in that moment we realize we have found our way.  All of the hard work, restlessness, frustration, doubt, and fear were worth it.

I can attest to this, because, after searching for many years, I have found my way.      

Throughout my journey, I have listened to the whisper in my heart.  I may not have been obedient the first, second, or even the third time I heard that whisper, but in time I have listened.  After high school I went to college to pursue a degree in education.  I spent five years teaching before leaving my career behind to start my new career as a stay-at-home mom.  Four kids and eight years later I still hold that title, but I have added another title to my resume.  One that ties all of the steps of my journey together.    

From the time I was a young girl, I have loved to help others.  The smallest gestures brought me great joy and those memories have lived on inside of me for nearly three decades.  I am now in my mid-thirties and have reached a point in my life where I can say with absolute certainty I am fulfilling my purpose.

A few years ago a childhood friend and I had a little idea.  We were each doing a service project with our families at Christmastime:  her family was making fleece tie blankets and mine was collecting books for children in need.  A lightbulb came on inside of us and we decided to pair the two together and gift them to children at-risk in our community in an effort to promote literacy.  

What started off as a simple concept has grown into a thriving non-profit known as From Cover to Cover.  This week we met with legal council and are thrilled to be moving forward to become an official 501(c)3 organization.  We currently serve the children in our community, but it our hope to expand this program by organizing subchapters lead by volunteers throughout the country.

In two years we have provided nearly 600 kindergarten students with the gift of a book and a blanket and distributed over 3000 new and used books to help children at-risk build their own home libraries.  A few weeks ago we sponsored a visit by Michelle Nelson-Schmidt, an author and illustrator, who shared an amazing inspirational message with nearly 700 low-income children about staying true to themselves, working hard, and following their dreams.   Lives were changed during her visit.  Ours included.

Our journey has only just begun and I cannot wait to see what the future holds.  I have stepped out of my comfort zone time and time again, learned new skills, and dedicated hours to raising funds to fulfill our mission and reach as many children in our area as possible.  Each time we host an event, my heart swells with joy.  I feel overwhelmingly fulfilled.  I soak it all in and come home with the burning desire to do more.  To plan the next event.  To find the money to make it happen...and I do it.

"In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'" Acts 20:35

Serving the children in my community inspires me.  Every hug, every thank you, every smile...the way their faces light up when they receive their book and blanket is priceless.  Combining my passion for education and God-given gifts has lead me to my purpose and for that I am truly blessed.

2015 is the year to get it done!  Listen to the whisper and find your passion.  It will lead you to a wonderful place.

       

       

   

Busy...Why This Word Needs to Go Away

"Busy."  This seems to be the word most of us use to describe our lives.  As a society we seem to wear our busyness with pride, but have we paused a moment to really examine what is truly making us so "busy?"  Are these busy lives we are creating for ourselves and our families truly something to be proud of?  We complain about how we don't have any time for homework, how we don't have time to cook and have a family meal, how we don't have time to go to church, how we don't have time to exercise...to sleep...the list goes on.  Simply put, we have little time to focus on what truly matters and rest.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gently and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, my burden is light."  Matthew 11:28-30  

Children attend school all day, are picked up, and begin the evening rush.  On the weekend they are shuttled around from activity to activity, putting the very things we complain about not having time for on the back-burner.  Sadly, the days of unstructured time for play, exercise, and imagination seem to be fading.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."  Romans 12:2

As parents, we have been entrusted with the responsibility of shaping the next generation.  Impressionable eyes are watching us.  Little ears are listening.  These children are looking to us for guidance and it is our job to lead by example.  What are we teaching our children by being so busy we don't have time to eat as a family?  How are we teaching them to value education and be responsible when their homework is finished as they're running out the door because we were running from activity to activity the night before?  How are we teaching them to be grateful for their blessings and serve others in their community when we are too busy to volunteer ourselves?  The hard truth? We're not.

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."  1 Timothy 5:8

The buzz on the street is we're raising an entitled generation of kids.  While it's hard to hear, can many of you disagree?  We have succumbed to the idea that our kids' happiness is measured by all of the "stuff" we provide for them.  Activities, play dates, material items, the latest and greatest technology...ugh, the list goes on and on.  They get what they want and then they ask for more.  They are searching for a feeling of satisfaction that will never come because there will always be something better behind the next door.  Oh, America, what are we doing?

"Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."  Hebrews 13:5

It is time to take a step back and truly evaluate our lives.  If you are too busy for homework, family dinners, nightly reading, and reasonable bedtimes then perhaps it is time to make a change.  Our children are depending on us to set limits and create a home environment that isn't so busy.  Sure, it may be hard to say no to whatever it is they are "dying" to do next, but in the end, after the tears have dried and the tantrum has ceased, how refreshing will it feel to not be so overwhelmed and, you got it, busy?  Let go of the guilt.  There is no disservice in saying no.  In time your children will thank you.

"For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."  Hebrews 12:11

So Much Joy

Ah, Monday is here again.  This particular Monday brings about some mixed emotions.  Last week, the author visit I had worked on putting together for about eight months happened and it was more than I could have ever dreamed it to be.  Amazing doesn't even begin to sum it up.  Deep down inside, I believe bringing Michelle Nelson-Schmidt to speak to the children served by From Cover to Cover was near the top of my life experiences, outside of my wedding day and birth of my children.  The majority of the children she spoke to live in poverty and the gift of hope and encouragement she shared with them is bound to change lives.  Those sweet kids left with a smile on their face, a twinkle in their eye, and walked a little taller after they heard her speak.  The many hours of grant writing, public speaking, and planning were more than worth it.  I hope to be able to provide this gift to more children in my community in the future.

I ended the week on a high and had a wonderful weekend with friends and my sweet family.  Everyone is back to the grind today and I am feeling the let-down effect.  Months and months of my life went into putting together that author visit and I am left with the feeling of what now?  I know I should be savoring the quiet and resting, but this busy brain of mine has a hard time letting that happen.  In my heart I know my work has only just begun working with children in need in my community, but it is so hard to be patient and wait to see lies ahead.  I am confident more doors will open and He will put more on my heart, but I want a sneak peak now!

On the bright side, summer is right around the corner.  Traveling is one of my passions and soon we'll be hitting the road on our first big trip for the summer.  The excitement in my house is palpable and I am looking forward to our adventures as a family.  These vacations will leave us with lasting memories and I feel so blessed we are able to travel quite extensively this summer.

First up is a week at the beach.  A place where we can all sit back and relax.  The kids are already planning their sand creations and the other day my oldest son so sweetly said, "Mom.  The beach is going to be a nice break for you.  We can just run around all day and you won't even have to yell at us."

Well said, my boy.  We can all benefit from a week of no running, schedules, or plans.  I'll be packing up some good books, a journal, and my camera in my beach bag.  I can already hear the sound of the waves and feel the breeze.  I might be experiencing a bit of restlessness and wonder, but I am looking forward to spending some uninterrupted quality time with my family.  Perhaps I'll come back refreshed and full of ideas.  Only time will tell!

Our happy place

 

The Big Event

May.  Wow, you came up fast!  I was feeling a little down the other day about the progress made during my "Year to Get it Done" project, but after some careful reflection and talking with my good friend, I've come around a bit.  Truth be told, there has been some tremendous progress in the first four months of this project and it happened during the longest, hardest months of the year.  With beautiful weather ahead, the kids home for the summer soon, and a little extra energy, I'm feeling pretty good about what the next eight months might have in store for our family.

The turn of the calendar brings about a packed month of fun, fulfillment, excitement, and relief.  The beginning of the month is filled with activities for my charity, From Cover to Cover.  In addition to a few book and blanket donations, we are sponsoring an author visit for two schools this month.  Late last summer, I began writing grants and speaking to local civic organizations about the launch of our Family Literacy Night pilot program.  Obviously, writing grants and public speaking were not part of my everyday duties as a stay-at-home mom, but they have quickly become a very fulfilling and exciting part of my life.

This project my friend and I started two years ago has turned into my passion.  It has brought me great joy to be able to share our mission and secure funds to add additional programs to help promote literacy and reach more kids in my community.

This project has lit a fire inside of me.  It has filled this unexplainable void I have felt for a long time.  I feel called to do this work and it gives my life a purpose other than wife and mother.  I haven't worked a traditional job in over 8 years and have struggled with feelings of restlessness during this time.  This project has allowed me to focus on a tangible goal and work to achieve it.

The culminating event for the year happens this week and my adrenaline is pumping.  I imagine this is what one feels like when they have worked hard to meet a deadline.  All of the hours of work will soon result in the author we have selected sharing a wonderful, inspiring message with over six hundred children in our community.

I can't help but wonder how many children's lives will be altered a bit by this visit.  How many will follow their dreams?  How many will really soak up her words and choose to set goals and work hard to achieve them?  I will never know, but I am excited to be able to share this gift with them.  To give them hope and inspiration.

I am thrilled to finish up our second year of serving kids in our community and begin planning for next year.  The sky is the limit and I am committed to growing this program not only here in my own community but in communities around the country.  Sharing the gift of a book and blanket has a tremendous impact on the children we serve.  I have seen the smiles, been the recipient of the hugs, and watched hundreds of children's eyes light up when they have received their gift bag.

Our mission may be to promote literacy among children at-risk with this gift, but there is more to this project than meets the eye.  Several times a year we are blessed with the opportunity to speak to and interact with a large group of kindergarten students.  A friend of mine is a counselor with a lot of experience with children living in poverty.  Recently she mentioned this project is conveying a message to these kids that people in the community care about them.  While they may walk out with a brand new book and blanket to snuggle up in and read at home, perhaps this greatest gift is knowing someone cares about them.

This is going to be a great week and I am hopeful many more great moments lie ahead.

Reading a new book

All snuggled up

Sneaking in some reading

Choosing free books

   

The Fitness Struggle

Our first summer vacation is right around the corner.  While I am really looking forward to a relaxing week at the beach, I am not so excited about the extra pounds I'm carrying around.  Lack of exercise combined with a sweet tooth has left me quite soft around the middle and carrying a little extra baggage in the back if you know what I mean.  It is really no one's fault but my own and I take full responsibility.  Now that the weather is getting warmer and the days longer, there really is no excuse not to make time time to go for a run several times a week.  Well, other than my body feeling old anyway!

I have set a few fitness goals for myself this summer and I am hopeful my body will cooperate!  I have split it into three bench marks:  a 5K, 5 mile, and 7 mile race.  I am putting little emphasis on race and more on completion.  I am not a "runner."  It has never been something I have enjoyed nor felt very comfortable doing, but with limited workout options and a desire to lose some weight, it is the route I am taking.  

A few summers ago, after I had my fourth baby, I committed to the Couch25K program and had success.  Much of training was more of a mental struggle than a physical one, so this time around I am a bit ahead of the game.  I have already proved to myself I can run over three miles, now it is time to push it even further.  I have gone on two runs this month (not many, I know!) and been able to run over 2.25 miles each time.  It took me weeks to get this point two years ago, so I am pleased this is my starting point.   

While I was stretching after my run last night, my husband and I were talking about how it went.  He is very encouraging and said something to me that really struck a chord:  "I don't think you give yourself enough credit.  You are an athlete."  Huh.  He is right.  In my younger years I played many sports.  I was not a star, but I was skilled, and very competitive.  After high school, I spent many years working out in spurts, but have struggled to consistently stay in shape.  It has been very frustrating and an area in which I would like improve.

I suppose it would make sense to do this during this year in which I have declared to "Get it Done!"  It also aligns with my word of the year:  discipline.  The biggest challenge will be creating and sticking to a schedule.  With four kids and a husband who travels for his job, sneaking away for 45 minutes to an hour is not always easy, but with some planning I have faith it can be done.  

This mama needs to make time for fitness.  Three years ago I was in the best shape of my life and the smallest I'd been since high school.  I have a lot of work ahead of me, but I am going to dig deep and find that inner athlete again.  It won't be easy, but I am hoping by the end of July I'll be able to finish that 7 mile race with a smile on my face!

Do you struggle with setting time for your health and fitness?  What holds you up?  Have you successfully implemented a fitness routine?  Share your tips!

The Power of "No"

A few months ago I wrote about finding my best yes.  I am a self-proclaimed doer.  I have a hard time sitting still and often say "yes" to commitments without really giving it any thought.  As this trend continues, though, I am starting to realize the importance of carefully considering how I spend my time and choosing activities that align with my goals and what I have been called to do.  Saying "no" is not easy, but if I don't, my best yeses will suffer and there will not be time for the activities that bring feelings of joy and fulfillment.

After a long period of evaluation and contemplation, I said my first "no" this week.  This year I have served as the vice president of the PTA at my kids' school.  What I hoped would be a fulfilling experience has turned out to be a frustrating, disappointing, time-consuming year.  As a former teacher and parent who highly values education, I wholeheartedly believe in the importance of being involved at my kids' school and thought stepping into this position was a great opportunity.  As the year progressed, the lack of parental involvement left me and a few others to shoulder the load.  While my kids are proud their mama helps out at school, I believe there is a way to be supportive without holding a position on the board which leaves me feeling incredibly unfulfilled and my tank empty.  With the school year winding down, I have made the decision to step down and shared that at our meeting this week.

My load has been lightened and I could not be happier.  Saying "no" has been so freeing.  When I attended the Hearts at Home conference in March, I sat in on one of Jill Savage's breakout sessions where she discussed ten ways to reduce your stress.  There were two main points I took away from this session I want to share with you today:  never say "yes" on the spot and limit yourself to one major commitment and limit the minor commitments.

What is the difference between a major and minor commitment?  A major commitment involves you actively planning, organizing, and participating in an activity.  A minor commitment may be an activity where you simply need to show up.  Overloading our schedules with major commitments stretches us too thin and leads us down a long and frustrating path.  This idea has resonated deeply with me.  Though I love to get involved in a wide variety of activities, it truly is not in my or my family's best interest to accept a large role in all of these activities.  This advice played a big part in my decision to step down from the PTA board after this school year.  I can still be involved, but on a much smaller scale.

Choosing my major commitment was easy.  From Cover to Cover, the literacy charity I co-founded, easily takes the cake.  It is a project I believe in with every ounce of my being and the joy and fulfillment it brings to my life is indescribable.  Outside of my family, this will be where my time and energy will be spent.  From Cover to Cover encompasses so much of what makes me, well, me.  I can use my education background to serve others in need and network with people all over my community.  The experiences I have had in the two short years we have been up and running have been life-changing and as we continue to grow, I know this will continue to fuel my soul.

Narrowing down my minor commitments will be more difficult.  As a doer, it will be so hard for me to step back and not take the lead.  By nature I am an organizer.  In the past ten years I have founded a handful of groups to fulfill the needs in my life.  When my son was born and I was a new stay-at-home mom, I was lonely.  To combat the isolation, I started a moms and babies playgroup with a few other gals I met during those early months.  When we joined a large church and felt isolated as young parents, I started a mothers of young children ministry to connect with other families in our parish.  When we moved, I did it again at our new church.

See a pattern developing?!  I get an idea in my head and tend to run with it.  If I were wealthy, I would have started at least five businesses by now.  By nature my mind runs on overdrive and at times my body tends to follow.  Reigning this in will not be easy, but I am trying to focus on the activities in my life that bring my joy.  By reducing my commitments, I can spend more time baking, exercising, writing, and reading.  Hobbies tend to get shoved aside when you are overwhelmed with outside commitments and I look forward to regularly indulging in activities I enjoy.

 Relationships also tend to suffer, because there is not enough time in the day to tend to all of the responsibilities weighing you down.  I often find myself engaged in activities to better others while my family may be caught in the crossfire of an overstressed, over-scheduled mom.  Clearly this is not the way to live.  My eyes have been opened, now I mentally need to slow down.

This year of getting it done is filled with many goals.  Ironically many of those goals are meant to rid my life of overcommitting and, in turn, make decisions that align with our family purpose statement.  I hope to slow down and enjoy what is right before my eyes.  Not what may or may not happen a week, month, or year down the road.  This is a growing process and it is going to take far longer than 2015 to complete.      

This once again traces back to my word of the year:  discipline.  One must be disciplined and learn the art of saying "no."

When Seasons Change

Today I am linking up with Jill Savage and Hearts at Home for Third Thursday Thoughts.  This month the theme is:  Unleash Your Power to Rise Above.

This morning, as I was toting my two-year-old around on my hip, I randomly thought, "This is my normal."  For eight years I have been holding babies or balancing a toddler on one hip.  Having the use of one or no hands has just become the norm.  For some reason this moment that occurs so many times each day struck me:  how lucky I am to hold and carry my child.  I have been blessed to have my arms filled with four sweet kiddos to hold, soothe, carry, and snuggle for so many years.  What has been the norm for so long, may soon be fading.

Our youngest turned two this week.  Sure, two-year-olds still like to be held, but the desire to be independent soon reduces the amount of time they want to be.  I've done babies for so many years, it is hard to fathom that phase of life may be ending.  That old saying, "The days are long, but the years are short" keeps ringing in my ears.  All of those years of little sleep, nursing for hours a day, having no time to myself, and being needed by someone all.of.the.time may soon be gone.  Oh my.  How did that happen?  The bigger question, am I ready for it to end?

Life has a strange way of unfolding.  When we're in the thick of the hard seasons, the days seem to be so long, so challenging, so exhausting.  We may soon find ourselves feeling hopeless, desperate, and lost.  For me, this hard season lasted for 4 long years.  It did not start with my first or my second baby.  The hard years started with my third.  He came just 16 months after his older sister and on the day of his arrival I became the mom of three children 3 1/2 and under.  I was pretty sure I was up for the challenge, but this little blue-eyed, blonde-haired bundle of joy quickly made his presence known and not in the most pleasant of ways.

He was ornery.  He wanted to eat all of the time, every hour at night in fact, and would spend a great deal of the day and night crying.  Actually crying isn't a strong enough word.  He screamed and was inconsolable.  After six weeks of this, we figured out the culprit was dairy.  I felt strongly about nursing, so I removed dairy from my diet.  While it was challenging, I stuck to it without cheating once for over a year.  He calmed down for a bit, but then the ear infections kicked in.

I rarely slept longer than a few hours at a time.  My younger two had sixteen ear infections between them in 6 months.  I was so sleep-deprived it was not even funny.  In fact, it was dangerous.  One day, I stopped by my in-laws to drop off a few of my kids while I took my daughter to the doctor.  I got out of the van to unload them and the door was locked.  Upon trying to open the door, the van began to move forward.  I had left it in drive and it slowly rolled forward, with my children in it, right into their garage.  To this day, I still don't know how I got back in the van.  It was a terrifying experience.

That first year-and-a-half of my son's life was a blur.  Days rolled into months and before I knew it, a year.  There were plenty of beautiful, joyous moments, but they were hard to see at times due to the circumstances.  In time, we came out of the fog.  He finally started to sleep through the night at 18 months and we had a bit of a reprieve.

That summer we moved back near my parents.  I was so excited to be near my family again and felt relieved to know there would be help, if needed, somewhat nearby.  This was a welcome change and helped me feel less overwhelmed.  That summer went relatively well.  Though we struggled with some sleeping issues with our daughter who was experiencing newfound freedom in a toddler bed, we could see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Or so we thought.  Late that summer we found out we were expecting our fourth child.  While it was a bit of a surprise, I was fairly confident it wouldn't be nearly as overwhelming as the addition of our third.  Until the tides changed.

What came next rivaled the challenges of the incessant crying of our little guy.  Shortly after two he figured out how to crawl out of his crib.  He went from sleeping through the night to refusing to go to bed, nap, and woke at 4:30 A.M. for the day...for months on end.  Naturally, his behavior became difficult due to the lack of sleep and we entered into a whole new hard season of life filled with little sleep, temper tantrums, and very challenging behavior.  Throw in a pregnant mama and things went south quickly.

We struggled and struggled and struggled.  Our fuses became short.  The nap battles and bedtime battles were physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting.  There were days I put everyone into the van just to get him to sleep and have a break.  I'd pull back into the garage once he was asleep, turn off the engine, and pray I could get the older kids out without waking him.

The days were so long and the nights so short.  I was desperate, looking for the light, and all I could find was darkness.  This may sound dramatic, but I had hit rock bottom.  I had always dreamed of being a mother and raising my family, but our reality was far from the images I had conjured up in my head.  I felt like a failure and wondered how I would make it with the addition of another baby.

Well, that sweet little baby came and we did our best to "survive" during the baby phase.  For the first time ever I co-slept for the pure and simple fact I needed to sleep.  Our son's sleeping woes continued and after speaking with his pediatrician about his sleep struggles and behavior, it was suggested we try Melatonin.  It has been a game-changer.  Bedtime is no longer a struggle and the 4:30 wake-up calls have, for the most part, ended.  He continues to be high-energy and challenging at times, but the tide is turning.

While our sweet little girl brings much joy to our lives, she has also made her presence known in our family.  She's always close by and loves to be held.  Knowing she was probably our last child, I've obliged.  Two years later, though, we're starting to see the light again.  She has followed in her sibling's footsteps and not been a great sleeper, but I'm hopeful one of these days she'll start to consistently sleep through the night again.  This too shall pass and soon the baby and toddler phase will be over.

I'm not going to lie, there were times I was convinced I was not cut out for this and I would not make it through the day.  Many times I felt like a failure.  While never clinically diagnosed, I experienced bouts of depression and had a hard time getting through the day because I was so exhausted.  All of the idyllic dreams I had created in my mind did not come to fruition.  Motherhood is messy and no matter how much we'd like to feel like we're in control, the fact of the matter is simple:  we're not.

When I reflect on these challenging years, I see beauty and joy mixed with sadness and despair.  I have been home with my kids for their entire lives and while I haven't been perfect, I have done my best.  I have been challenged more than I ever thought possible, but I have overcome countless obstacles and persevered.  Motherhood is a tough job and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  Quitting isn't an option, so embrace the messy beautiful and push through those hard seasons.  There is light at the end of the tunnel and all of the joy and struggles are worth it.

Though it makes me sad, I believe I have begun to accept this season of life will be ending soon.  A new season is upon us and it is time to look forward to the next phase of life.  I pray that sleep will come more easily for all of us and we can enjoy the new adventures that lie ahead.  I look forward to our newfound freedom.  My husband and I have begun to schedule monthly date nights and I do my best to spend some time with my girlfriends each month.  Last month I even spent a night away with them to attend the Hearts at Home conference.  It was amazing.  We have some awesome vacations planned and I look forward to traveling as a family and making memories that will last a lifetime.

I know we have a life full of joy and challenges ahead of us, but I am sure we will persevere and overcome whatever arises.  In my heart, I know He only gives us what we can handle.  I guess He had a lot of faith in me during these early years.  It hasn't always been easy, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

 
  

A Moment In Time

There are moments in our lives as parents we will remember forever.  Yesterday was one of them.  Last spring, my friend's five-year-old son was diagnosed with leukemia and we began to pray for sweet Jack, a little boy my kids have never even met, all the way in Maryland.  Each night when they say their bedtime prayers, they ask God to help Jack feel better.  They frequently ask me how he is doing and were so excited when I told them his cancer was in remission.  In kids' terms:  the medicine was working and Jack was getting better.

Late last summer my oldest son decided he wanted to grow his hair out.  He is really into Star Wars and wanted to look like Anakin Skywalker.  As his hair grew longer, I would catch him admiring his locks in the mirror and the day it hit his shirt collar, he proudly proclaimed he did, indeed, look like Anakin.  While we supported him in his quest to become a real-life Anakin, we told him he would have to cut his hair for the summer.  He was disappointed.

A few months ago I shared an organization called St. Baldrick's with him.  This event happens nationwide and is a fundraiser for childhood cancer research.  We talked about Jack and how this event helped kids, like Jack, who have cancer.  After a little encouragement my son decided he would shave his head at a local St. Baldrick's event.  He set a $500 fundraising goal and began asking family and friends to support him.  The week before the event, he surpassed his goal by $15.  He was so proud and excited that he had met his goal.

Yesterday afternoon I went downstairs to gather the kids so we could get ready to head to the event.  The minute I said it was time to go get his head shaved, my sweet little boy began to cry and before long he had worked himself into quite the fit.  The reality that the hair he had grown out for so long was going to be shaved off was hard for him.  He loved that long hair and was so sad he would no longer look like Anakin.  He had made the decision he was not going to go.  We wondered if maybe this was just too much pressure for our introverted, anxious son, but we didn't give up.

My husband and I each took our turns talking with him.  We told him he was doing an amazing thing for other children and his heart would feel so full when he was done.  We talked about following through on the promise he had made to others through his fundraising efforts.  We shared the encouraging messages he had received from those who donated money.  We talked about the children with cancer who were very ill or had passed away from the disease and how those children didn't get a choice about the way their hair looked.

We finally got him to agree to go and check the event out.  When we arrived, his heels were still firmly dug into the ground.  We got into the event room and he realized he would be seated in front of a crowd while getting his head shaved and his resistance bumped up another notch.  We continued to encourage him and did our best to be patient and stay calm.  And then it happened.  He started to ease up a bit.  The nervousness and anxiety started to lighten.  I asked him if there was something special he would like to do if he got his head shaved.  He thought about it and said, "I'd like to use my gift card and get something on Amazon."  Deal.

In my heart, I want my children to help others without receiving anything in return, because it's the right thing to do.  Perhaps my expectations are too high for children so young.  My son was doing a great deed for others.  He had raised a lot of money and was parting with something very special to him:  his Anakin Skywalker hair.  He wasn't asking for anything over-the-top.  He just wanted us to take the time to sit down with him, look through Amazon, and choose something to spend his birthday gift card on.  This seemed reasonable, so we agreed.

All of the anxiety, nervousness, and uncertainty went away.  He proudly put on his t-shirt and walked up to his seat when his name was called.  When the stylist started shaving his hair off, he didn't even flinch.  My sweet son sat in that chair longer than any of the other shavees in his time slot.  He had so much hair it took a long time for her to shave it all off!  People in the crowd cheered him on, he got some high fives from others, and even found himself on the local ten o'clock news.

When she was done, my son looked at us with a big smile and his proud mama had tears in her eyes.  I cannot tell you how full my heart was to see my young son struggle and persevere.  He fulfilled his promise to those who supported him in his fundraising campaign and I could see from the look in his eyes that his heart was full, too.  When he was done, he went over to a poster displaying photos of local children with cancer.  He looked at those pictures and he knew what he had done was going to make a difference.

Today I sent my newly shaved son off to school.  He was proudly wearing his bright orange St. Baldrick's t-shirt and a button that said, "Ask me why I'm bald."  He'll tell his friends he had his head shaved to help kids with cancer.  He'll also share with them he did it for a very special little boy named Jack.

We did sit down last night and look through Amazon.  He chose a Star Wars Jedi costume.  I think it will be the perfect reminder of his St. Baldrick's experience.

    

Progress

The end of March is right around the corner and with that a quarter of 2015 will have passed.  Those cold winter months weren't wasted in our house and we hope to have a little spring in our step now that the weather will (hopefully) be warming up.  I've continued to keep notes in my "Get It Done" notebook and have enjoyed crossing off some of the "to-do's" in various categories.

I had high hopes around our house during the month of March.  My spring cleaning got off to a banging start, but amid the countless cases of strep throat and life's many unexpected twists and turns my efforts got derailed a bit.  I'm not throwing in the towel yet, after all I still have a few more days in March left, but I'm okay with the progress, though imperfect, that I made.  In due time this house will be decluttered and cleaned well, but until then I'll be content with accomplishing what my time allows each day.

I think the biggest area of progress during these first few months has been on the financial front.  After committing to finally utilizing a budget and focusing on the steps found in Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover, I am thrilled that my husband and I have moved on to step 3.  We are officially debt-free (other than our mortgage of course) and moving on to building up our six month savings.  We are both pretty ecstatic about our progress the past few months and are looking forward to the next step of the journey.  Our budget is going well and it has been amazing how less-stressed we are about money.  We know where our money is going and what a difference it has made.

I'll wrap it up with one other area I am so pleased has shown progress:  relationships.  By intentionally scheduling time for this area, we have been able to spend time out with our friends, both together and alone, gone on date nights, taken our kids on some fun, but simple, outings, and, gasp, I even snuck away for a night to attend the Hearts at Home conference with a few girlfriends.  While there is still room for improvement in this area, some serious progress has been made and it has been fun and refreshing.

So, cheers to three months into the journey of "2015: The Year to Get It Done."  Hoping this next month holds many bright, warm, and sunny days and the opportunity to set some goals and achieve them.  Good luck!

A Little Perspective

Perspective.  As individuals, our circumstances and experiences allow us to have a perspective that might differ from others.  In fact, two people can see and experience an identical situation and have two very different views and accounts of what happened.  Perhaps this has happened to you and lead to some misunderstanding, or even a fallout, with another person because of these differing views. You see, it is so very easy to jump to conclusions, judge another, or feel inferior to those whose perspectives on life we simply don't understand because we have not lived life through their eyes. We have not walked a mile in their shoes and, therefore, cannot fully appreciate their unique perspective.

I think it is fair to say many people assume the surface impression they have of a person is indicative of their life behind closed doors.

-Live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood?  They must be rich.
-Stay at home with your children?  They must have a lot of free time on your hands
-Out on a date with your spouse?  They must have a good marriage.
-Receiving assistance from the government?  They must be lazy.
-Always smiling?  They must have no problems.

While these are just a few examples of how we may perceive someone's life to be from the snapshot impression we have of them, the truth may be much different.  We cannot understand another's circumstance without walking in their shoes.  We cannot truly know someone by only scratching the surface.  We cannot assume to know someone's story by hearing second-hand accounts.

While I am certainly not hear to say I have never judged a book by it's cover, I am hear to tell you that the book may look very different on the inside than you could ever imagine.  The family with the nice house may have sacrificed the extras and worked really hard to save up money for years to be able to afford that home.  The stay-at-home mom may have very little time to herself between the responsibilities she has taking care of her family, managing the home, and giving of her time to help others.  The couple out on the date may be fighting for their marriage and working on forgiveness. The person in need of government assistance may have lost a job they held for years, be facing mounting medical bills due to illness, or lost their partner.  The person who is always smiling may be wearing a mask to hide the pain and heartbreak they are experiencing.

We simply never know what another's circumstance may be and oddly enough, those circumstances can change at the drop of a hat.  While we cannot control what happens from one day to the next, we can make the choice let our pre-conceived notions about others go.  We can choose patience, understanding, and empathy rather than anger, irritation, and judgement.  If given the opportunity, we can reach further than the surface and take the time to really get to know people.

I encourage you to reach out to one person this week, take the time to ask them how they're doing, and really listen.  Inquire about their interests.  Ask them about their family.  Set aside what you think you know and you may be surprised to find something entirely different lies beneath the surface. Your perception of them may change and with any luck, it will be the beginning of a change that will bring much joy and peace to your life.