Friday, June 12, 2015

Uncertainty

Since returning from vacation, I have spent most of the week feeling the restlessness and wonder creep back in.  The months of hard work and preparation for our trip are over.  The goals I had set to earn money for the trip were met.  Our purpose was clear:  sit on the beach, enjoy time as a family, and soak up the sun.  Vacation was relaxing.  Returning to the daily grind has not been.

Too often I struggle with focusing on what I want to do with my life.  I took for granted the simplicity of it all those years ago when I graduated from college.  It was pretty cut and dry then:  graduate and  find a teaching job.  Now?  Not so much.

In the fall, three of my kids will be in school full-time leaving my sweet little toddler home solo.  I can see the next life phase slowly coming into focus, but I feel so lost and without direction.  There are many different business avenues I'd love to explore, interests I'd love to pursue, and, of course, continuing to grow the charity I love so dearly, but I struggle with focus and pinpointing the direction I want to move in.

It's so very, very frustrating and exhausting.  For as long as I can remember my path has been relatively clear:  student, teacher, mother...you get the picture.  The lack of clarity drives me crazy and for a Type A, idea-filled mind like mine, it is kind of torturous.  I know, I know.  It's all about the journey, but sometimes it is hard to patient when you want to go full-speed ahead.  

I am confident my teaching days are over, at least in a school setting.  So much has changed since I left the profession eight years ago and there are so many laws and requirements I disagree with, I just don't think it's for me anymore.  So, where does that leave me?

I can easily pinpoint what brings me happiness, joy, and fulfillment.  I am just not sure how to transition it into more than an an unpaid hobby.  I didn't major in business, after all, so whatever route I take will probably not be crystal clear or easy.

In the end, I want a career that makes me feel alive.  I want to wake up each day feeling passionate and knowing my work is helping someone else.  Most of all, I want to feel my purpose is being fulfilled without putting too much stress and strain on my family.

Let the journey continue...hopefully a clear direction will present itself soon.



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