After a long period of evaluation and contemplation, I said my first "no" this week. This year I have served as the vice president of the PTA at my kids' school. What I hoped would be a fulfilling experience has turned out to be a frustrating, disappointing, time-consuming year. As a former teacher and parent who highly values education, I wholeheartedly believe in the importance of being involved at my kids' school and thought stepping into this position was a great opportunity. As the year progressed, the lack of parental involvement left me and a few others to shoulder the load. While my kids are proud their mama helps out at school, I believe there is a way to be supportive without holding a position on the board which leaves me feeling incredibly unfulfilled and my tank empty. With the school year winding down, I have made the decision to step down and shared that at our meeting this week.
My load has been lightened and I could not be happier. Saying "no" has been so freeing. When I attended the Hearts at Home conference in March, I sat in on one of Jill Savage's breakout sessions where she discussed ten ways to reduce your stress. There were two main points I took away from this session I want to share with you today: never say "yes" on the spot and limit yourself to one major commitment and limit the minor commitments.
What is the difference between a major and minor commitment? A major commitment involves you actively planning, organizing, and participating in an activity. A minor commitment may be an activity where you simply need to show up. Overloading our schedules with major commitments stretches us too thin and leads us down a long and frustrating path. This idea has resonated deeply with me. Though I love to get involved in a wide variety of activities, it truly is not in my or my family's best interest to accept a large role in all of these activities. This advice played a big part in my decision to step down from the PTA board after this school year. I can still be involved, but on a much smaller scale.
Choosing my major commitment was easy. From Cover to Cover, the literacy charity I co-founded, easily takes the cake. It is a project I believe in with every ounce of my being and the joy and fulfillment it brings to my life is indescribable. Outside of my family, this will be where my time and energy will be spent. From Cover to Cover encompasses so much of what makes me, well, me. I can use my education background to serve others in need and network with people all over my community. The experiences I have had in the two short years we have been up and running have been life-changing and as we continue to grow, I know this will continue to fuel my soul.
Narrowing down my minor commitments will be more difficult. As a doer, it will be so hard for me to step back and not take the lead. By nature I am an organizer. In the past ten years I have founded a handful of groups to fulfill the needs in my life. When my son was born and I was a new stay-at-home mom, I was lonely. To combat the isolation, I started a moms and babies playgroup with a few other gals I met during those early months. When we joined a large church and felt isolated as young parents, I started a mothers of young children ministry to connect with other families in our parish. When we moved, I did it again at our new church.
See a pattern developing?! I get an idea in my head and tend to run with it. If I were wealthy, I would have started at least five businesses by now. By nature my mind runs on overdrive and at times my body tends to follow. Reigning this in will not be easy, but I am trying to focus on the activities in my life that bring my joy. By reducing my commitments, I can spend more time baking, exercising, writing, and reading. Hobbies tend to get shoved aside when you are overwhelmed with outside commitments and I look forward to regularly indulging in activities I enjoy.
Relationships also tend to suffer, because there is not enough time in the day to tend to all of the responsibilities weighing you down. I often find myself engaged in activities to better others while my family may be caught in the crossfire of an overstressed, over-scheduled mom. Clearly this is not the way to live. My eyes have been opened, now I mentally need to slow down.
This year of getting it done is filled with many goals. Ironically many of those goals are meant to rid my life of overcommitting and, in turn, make decisions that align with our family purpose statement. I hope to slow down and enjoy what is right before my eyes. Not what may or may not happen a week, month, or year down the road. This is a growing process and it is going to take far longer than 2015 to complete.
This once again traces back to my word of the year: discipline. One must be disciplined and learn the art of saying "no."
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