If We're Honest

One of my favorite songs right now is "If We're Honest" by Francesca Battistelli.  From the first time I heard it, this song has spoken to me on so many levels.  Each time I hear it, there is a specific line that talks to me that day.  We are living in a time when truth is hard to discern and honesty isn't always easy to come by.

"Truth is harder than a lie.  The dark seems safer than the light.  Everyone has a heart that loves to hide."

In this tech-centered, ever-busy, oversharing nation we live in, what IS truth?

The lines have become very blurred.  Every day we are exposed to media that twists the truth to make it newsworthy and improve ratings.  We are knee-deep in an election season filled with candidates who wouldn't know honesty if it struck them upside the head.  People lie, cheat, and steal to get to the top all while falsely claiming their innocence.

How often do you keep our thoughts to ourselves for fear of ridicule?  How many dreams go unfulfilled for fear of failure?  How many suffer silently for fear of confiding in others?

It's easy to fall into the trap of comparing our life to the small glimpse we see of others' lives and feeling less than.  If we really understood the whole picture; the true lives we all live each and every day, I am certain most of us would have a different opinion of ourselves, our families, and our own lives.

Truth is subjective.

"I'm a mess and so are you.  We've built walls nobody can get through." 

On the surface, many of us appear to have it together.  We plaster on our smile, hide behind our busyness, and assure everyone that all is okay...even if it's not and in all likelihood there are days/weeks/months/years when it is not.  

With less face-to-face and verbal contact, we seem to be losing authenticity in our relationships.  We can hide behind the screens and say what comes to mind, without seeing the effect those words have on those on the receiving end.  We can also hide behind a less-than-truthful response with no one present to call us on our bluff.

Social media outlets, email, and texting are impacting our relationships and not in the most positive of ways.  Rather than delving deeper into our relationships through conversation, we skim the top layer through brief texts and chats.  Many of our relationships never develop past the surface level.  We are afraid to share our true selves, but in looking at the bigger picture, we are "too busy" putting everyone else first to take the time to grow a relationship through time spent together and actually talking.

It is the way of communication in the 21st century, but personally I think it sucks.

"Yeah it may be hard but the best things we could ever do.  Ever do.  Bring your brokenness and I'll bring mine.  'Cause love can heal what hurt divides.  And mercy's waiting on the other side.  If we're honest."  

Maybe our lives would feel more complete and fulfilled if we dropped the act, put ourselves out there, and took the time to really connect with people.

"Don't pretend to be something that you're not.  Living life afraid of getting caught.  There is freedom found when we lay our secrets down at the cross.  At the cross."

It can be easy to walk through life and be the person we feel others want us to be:  the devoted wife, doting mother, PTA president, Sunday school teacher, career woman, volunteer extraordinaire...but if you tune everyone out and listen to the voice within, you may find you're not on the right path.

Do you feel fulfilled and alive?  If not, it's time to stop pretending and begin striving to live an intentional, purposeful life that fills you up.  The benefits will extend far beyond yourself.

"So bring your brokenness and I'll bring mine.  'Cause love can heal what hurt divides.  And mercy's waiting on the other side.  If we're honest." 

Conflict is uncomfortable, yet it's a part of life.  Personally it is something I struggle with immensely.  I am a stuffer.  Rather than confronting someone and resolving the issue, I tend to stuff it down where it stays and festers and ultimately leads to resentment.

While I realize stuffing is not healthy, I will avoid sitting down with someone at all costs to resolve an issue.  My verbal skills stink.  I can write my thoughts very succinctly, but I cannot articulate them out loud, because I get emotional and flustered very quickly.

In my situation, the brokenness tends to remain broken.  Rather than healing, I temporarily bandage the wound only to find it to return time and time again.

Perhaps you can relate.  Do you push everything down and never heal the brokenness?

It is time to heal no matter how hard it may be.

"It would change our lives.  It would set us free.  It's what we need to be."

Can you imagine how wonderful it would feel to share your story, resolve conflict, and forgive yourself and others?

My current struggle is figuring out the next chapter in life.  It's letting go of the guilt and accepting that it's okay to pursue big dreams.  In fact, it's better than ok.  It's really magnificent, honorable, and a great example for the little ones who are watching.  We only get one shot at this life and our days are numbered.

I just need to give myself permission and not look back.  My guess is you do, too.

"So bring your brokenness and I'll bring mine.  'Cause love can heal what hurt divides.  And mercy's waiting on the other side.  If we're honest." 

The first person we need to be honest with?  Ourselves.  We need to search within and find our truth. To heal the wounds we've likely inflicted upon ourselves (ahem, "mom guilt" or"I'm not enough" syndrome anyone?!) and those that involve others.

Let go of the facade and live a life of truth.  Stop creating expectations we cannot live up to and accept our limitations.  Make personal relationships a priority rather than a luxury.  Stop hiding behind screens and take the time to actually see people.

Perhaps the best gift of all is to free ourselves.  Eliminate the negative self-talk and accept that while our marriages..children..homes..bodies..friendships...etc. are far from perfect, we are doing our best.

 "If we're honest.  If we're honest.  If we're honest."

My life may be messy, broken, and imperfect.

If we're being honest, yours probably is, too.

#theyearofpeople

Bottle It Up

There are times I wish I could bottle up the energy and motivation that seems to overtake me at times.  I'd like to crack it open on the days when the polar opposite is true just to give me the extra boost I need to keep moving forward.

For example, earlier this week I was feeling very low.  I was experiencing a lot of self-doubt and questioning many things and then, BAM!  Out of nowhere, my mindset shifted and the energy and motivation I so badly needed has returned.

I have to admit, I get a lot more done when I'm feeling energized and driven, but who doesn't?

Perhaps part of my shift in focus was in part due to reading the latest book by a blogger/author I really connect with.  I just finished reading Kristen Welch's latest book Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World:  How One Family Learned that Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes and all those nagging thoughts hanging out in my head are coming to the surface.

Parenting is no easy gig.  Each day there is at last one shit storm (if not more) in my house and I can't help but feel like we're failing as parents, but I need to focus less on those nasty moments and see the positives that are sprinkled throughout the day.

My kids are at a tough age.  They are becoming more opinionated, argumentative, and challenging, but it's our job as parents to guide them in the right direction.  I need to keep this in mind, because I am not a very good example at times when my pressure gauge is at high and I explode.  I just want to wave my magic wand and have some peace within the walls of our home, but we all know that's not going to happen.

It's going to be a journey.  One that will continue for many, many years.  For the most part my kids are going through very natural phases, but the desire for more, more, more and the lack of appreciation at times for what they do get to do and have leaves this mama a little unsettled.

So, it's time to take a step back.  It's time to spend some time devising a plan that will give our kids a new perspective and get them involved in more hands-on service activities.  It's great to talk about it and give money or material items to a cause, but it's a whole lot different to actually be in the trenches and doing something.

I have begun to understand this even more as I continue on my journey with From Cover to Cover.  It's ever-changing and more opportunities for hands-on involvement are presenting themselves.  It fills me up and I want my kids to feel that overwhelming sense of joy and contentment that comes with actively serving others.

It's all about finding the right opportunities now and moving our family in the right direction.

I'm feeling pretty motivated right now and I hope it continues.

I encourage you to get your hands on a copy of her book and you may feel the same.

#theyearofpeople

The Struggle

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

How many times were we asked this question while growing up?  Probably too many to count.  As young, adventurous, carefree kids, we likely answered with a confident, emphatic answer.  I know my kids do.  So far I have a MLB baseball player, a zookeeper, and a dad respectively.  

Oddly, enough, though, I feel like this question keeps popping up again, but it has nothing to do with my kids and everything to do with me.  Nearly every day I find myself struggling with some form of this very question.  

One short month from now will mark the 9 year anniversary in my current position:  stay-at-home mom.  It's a job I've poured myself into.  I've given birth to 4 amazing kids and watched them grow through their various phases of development for 9 years.  I should feel blessed I have had this opportunity, but for the better part of those 9 years I've been incredibly restless.  It's a major struggle and one I beat myself up over quite a bit.

Last week my husband and I had the opportunity to go on an all-expenses paid vacation to Puerto Rico.  My husband worked hard last year and closed many deals, landing him in the President's Club of his company.  Pretty awesome stuff.

For five days, I was surrounded by adults (no children...none) and engaged in conversation with people I had never met before.  I was also surrounded by people who work hard, meet goals, and are rewarded for their hard work whether it be a paycheck, closing a deal, praise from a boss/colleague, or a free trip and I felt this pang of envy.

Being a full-time mom is hard and more times than not, it lacks positive feedback.  As I was struggling through another morning getting the kids ready for school, I broke.  A temper-tantrum leading to a broken bowl of oatmeal scattered all over the kitchen coupled with all of the little people in my house fighting and arguing over the most ridiculous things ("I was at the table first, you moved my drawing on the refrigerator, you turned that light on so I'm not turning it off...") confirmed what I have known for a very long time:  I have reached the point in my life where being home all.of.the.time is really not good for anyone involved.

That trip last week was a much-needed breath of fresh air.  I could think clearly and I was happy.  I know, who wouldn't be happy relaxing on an island?  It was more than that, though.  I wasn't feeling this overwhelming sense of suffocation, stress, and annoyance.  I felt human.

So here I sit at a crossroad struggling with a wide variety of emotions.  I have some work to do, decisions to make, and the need to make a commitment to figure out how to resolve these issues.  It will be no small feat, but I pray that I can refocus on the small business I started, tweak some things, and create an opportunity to maintain a flexible work schedule while helping to not only support my family, but to feed the desire within to feel productive, challenged, and stimulated.

Admitting this struggle is half the solution.  The rest is finally putting a plan into action.

The journey continues...

#theyearofpeople