I've spent a lot of time over the last nine years feeling guilty and I am giving myself permission to say goodbye to that nasty "g" word.
A few weeks ago, a dear friend and I took the morning off. On a dreary, rainy Saturday, we left the kids with our husbands and went and sat in a coffee shop. We had other plans, too, but we never really got to them.
Instead, we talked. These talks are like therapy sessions, but without the awkwardness and cost. I always feel like it's a safe place to vent and I typically leave feeling refreshed and a little more grounded.
That day I left pondering this question: Mamas-why do we feel so much guilt?!
After mulling this around a bit, I think I may have a hypothesis: our expectations far exceed what is realistic. In an era of Pinterest, Facebook, countless blogs, and other online sources, we have succumbed to this idealistic world that REALLY.DOESN'T.EXIST.
It is a false perception.
We live in a kid-centered country. Most of us have been fooled into thinking our kids' childhoods should be filled with non-stop fun: camps, never-ending sports leagues, well thought out crafts and projects, educational opportunities, and a whole lot more stuff. They should be happy, challenged, and entertained. It should be magical and if we're not living up to those expectations, we are failing.
We're supposed to be the keepers of the house, chef, teacher, doctor, chauffeur, event planner, therapist all rolled up into one and if we don't do it with a smile on our face, we are failing.
But you know what? Screw that.
I cannot tell you how many times I have beaten myself up for not having a clean enough house, not playing with my kids enough, yelling too much, being BORED out of my mind at home, not providing enough opportunities for my kids, not spending enough quality time with my husband (you know what I mean)...blah, blah, blah.
We are cheating ourselves and causing a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety. We're creating a fantasy world for our kids and no one will be able to live up to their expectations. Maybe worst of all, we're setting an example I don't think we want our kids to try to replicate when they're parents.
Enough. I am done.
I am done with the never-ending guilt.
My kids will soon be home with me for three whole months (yikes!). They will soon be introduced to a wonderful new-to-our family home responsibility chart. It will not be fun, but it will become a part of life. If they're lucky, my husband and I will remember to follow through with our compensation plan, but if not, they'll survive.
They will be forced to figure out how to fill their days. Sure, we'll be taking vacations and going on some outings, but there will be plenty of days when they'll have to learn to get along and play. We'll throw in some tv/video game time, but I'm seriously considering tossing them outdoors most days and locking the doors (sorry neighbors).
I will lose my temper and yell. Kids will cry and sit in time out. We will all survive.
I'll hire a sitter some days just to get out and away from what is most definitely going to be a loud and argumentative household on any given day. I'm going to go do something fun and relaxing and not feel one single bit guilty.
I'm going to carve out time to take care of myself and go on dates with my husband. Regularly. We are going to have FUN!
So, here's what I say to all of you who have this cloud of guilt hovering over you. Let it go.
These magical, fun-filled, over-scheduled childhoods we've unnecessarily plagued ourself with need to go. Just purge your mind of that idea and do it now. Even if you think you haven't bought into the hype, I can guarantee you, in some way you unknowingly have. How can you avoid it when you're surrounded by snippets of people's wonderful lives every single day?
When I was a kid my childhood wasn't magical. It's certainly no knock against my parents. I passed my days playing with stuffed animal "friends," reading books, watching tv, playing outdoors, and had the privilege of playing with a friend here and there (I lived in the country and these were really a big deal. And for the love, they were NOT called play dates...we just played).
For the most part, I'd say I turned out just fine. When I think of my childhood, my memories are filled with happiness, good times, and special moments. I had fun, but a lot of that fun I conjured up myself.
Mamas, let's all be kind to each other. Stop judging, stop beating yourself up, and love yourself and your family for who they are.
We're all doing the best we can. I think we'd feel a whole lot better if we would just let up on ourselves, enjoy life a whole lot more, and realize that there is no such thing as perfect.
Not even close.
See you later guilt! We've had enough!
#theyearofpeople
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