The Fitness Struggle

Our first summer vacation is right around the corner.  While I am really looking forward to a relaxing week at the beach, I am not so excited about the extra pounds I'm carrying around.  Lack of exercise combined with a sweet tooth has left me quite soft around the middle and carrying a little extra baggage in the back if you know what I mean.  It is really no one's fault but my own and I take full responsibility.  Now that the weather is getting warmer and the days longer, there really is no excuse not to make time time to go for a run several times a week.  Well, other than my body feeling old anyway!

I have set a few fitness goals for myself this summer and I am hopeful my body will cooperate!  I have split it into three bench marks:  a 5K, 5 mile, and 7 mile race.  I am putting little emphasis on race and more on completion.  I am not a "runner."  It has never been something I have enjoyed nor felt very comfortable doing, but with limited workout options and a desire to lose some weight, it is the route I am taking.  

A few summers ago, after I had my fourth baby, I committed to the Couch25K program and had success.  Much of training was more of a mental struggle than a physical one, so this time around I am a bit ahead of the game.  I have already proved to myself I can run over three miles, now it is time to push it even further.  I have gone on two runs this month (not many, I know!) and been able to run over 2.25 miles each time.  It took me weeks to get this point two years ago, so I am pleased this is my starting point.   

While I was stretching after my run last night, my husband and I were talking about how it went.  He is very encouraging and said something to me that really struck a chord:  "I don't think you give yourself enough credit.  You are an athlete."  Huh.  He is right.  In my younger years I played many sports.  I was not a star, but I was skilled, and very competitive.  After high school, I spent many years working out in spurts, but have struggled to consistently stay in shape.  It has been very frustrating and an area in which I would like improve.

I suppose it would make sense to do this during this year in which I have declared to "Get it Done!"  It also aligns with my word of the year:  discipline.  The biggest challenge will be creating and sticking to a schedule.  With four kids and a husband who travels for his job, sneaking away for 45 minutes to an hour is not always easy, but with some planning I have faith it can be done.  

This mama needs to make time for fitness.  Three years ago I was in the best shape of my life and the smallest I'd been since high school.  I have a lot of work ahead of me, but I am going to dig deep and find that inner athlete again.  It won't be easy, but I am hoping by the end of July I'll be able to finish that 7 mile race with a smile on my face!

Do you struggle with setting time for your health and fitness?  What holds you up?  Have you successfully implemented a fitness routine?  Share your tips!

The Power of "No"

A few months ago I wrote about finding my best yes.  I am a self-proclaimed doer.  I have a hard time sitting still and often say "yes" to commitments without really giving it any thought.  As this trend continues, though, I am starting to realize the importance of carefully considering how I spend my time and choosing activities that align with my goals and what I have been called to do.  Saying "no" is not easy, but if I don't, my best yeses will suffer and there will not be time for the activities that bring feelings of joy and fulfillment.

After a long period of evaluation and contemplation, I said my first "no" this week.  This year I have served as the vice president of the PTA at my kids' school.  What I hoped would be a fulfilling experience has turned out to be a frustrating, disappointing, time-consuming year.  As a former teacher and parent who highly values education, I wholeheartedly believe in the importance of being involved at my kids' school and thought stepping into this position was a great opportunity.  As the year progressed, the lack of parental involvement left me and a few others to shoulder the load.  While my kids are proud their mama helps out at school, I believe there is a way to be supportive without holding a position on the board which leaves me feeling incredibly unfulfilled and my tank empty.  With the school year winding down, I have made the decision to step down and shared that at our meeting this week.

My load has been lightened and I could not be happier.  Saying "no" has been so freeing.  When I attended the Hearts at Home conference in March, I sat in on one of Jill Savage's breakout sessions where she discussed ten ways to reduce your stress.  There were two main points I took away from this session I want to share with you today:  never say "yes" on the spot and limit yourself to one major commitment and limit the minor commitments.

What is the difference between a major and minor commitment?  A major commitment involves you actively planning, organizing, and participating in an activity.  A minor commitment may be an activity where you simply need to show up.  Overloading our schedules with major commitments stretches us too thin and leads us down a long and frustrating path.  This idea has resonated deeply with me.  Though I love to get involved in a wide variety of activities, it truly is not in my or my family's best interest to accept a large role in all of these activities.  This advice played a big part in my decision to step down from the PTA board after this school year.  I can still be involved, but on a much smaller scale.

Choosing my major commitment was easy.  From Cover to Cover, the literacy charity I co-founded, easily takes the cake.  It is a project I believe in with every ounce of my being and the joy and fulfillment it brings to my life is indescribable.  Outside of my family, this will be where my time and energy will be spent.  From Cover to Cover encompasses so much of what makes me, well, me.  I can use my education background to serve others in need and network with people all over my community.  The experiences I have had in the two short years we have been up and running have been life-changing and as we continue to grow, I know this will continue to fuel my soul.

Narrowing down my minor commitments will be more difficult.  As a doer, it will be so hard for me to step back and not take the lead.  By nature I am an organizer.  In the past ten years I have founded a handful of groups to fulfill the needs in my life.  When my son was born and I was a new stay-at-home mom, I was lonely.  To combat the isolation, I started a moms and babies playgroup with a few other gals I met during those early months.  When we joined a large church and felt isolated as young parents, I started a mothers of young children ministry to connect with other families in our parish.  When we moved, I did it again at our new church.

See a pattern developing?!  I get an idea in my head and tend to run with it.  If I were wealthy, I would have started at least five businesses by now.  By nature my mind runs on overdrive and at times my body tends to follow.  Reigning this in will not be easy, but I am trying to focus on the activities in my life that bring my joy.  By reducing my commitments, I can spend more time baking, exercising, writing, and reading.  Hobbies tend to get shoved aside when you are overwhelmed with outside commitments and I look forward to regularly indulging in activities I enjoy.

 Relationships also tend to suffer, because there is not enough time in the day to tend to all of the responsibilities weighing you down.  I often find myself engaged in activities to better others while my family may be caught in the crossfire of an overstressed, over-scheduled mom.  Clearly this is not the way to live.  My eyes have been opened, now I mentally need to slow down.

This year of getting it done is filled with many goals.  Ironically many of those goals are meant to rid my life of overcommitting and, in turn, make decisions that align with our family purpose statement.  I hope to slow down and enjoy what is right before my eyes.  Not what may or may not happen a week, month, or year down the road.  This is a growing process and it is going to take far longer than 2015 to complete.      

This once again traces back to my word of the year:  discipline.  One must be disciplined and learn the art of saying "no."

When Seasons Change

Today I am linking up with Jill Savage and Hearts at Home for Third Thursday Thoughts.  This month the theme is:  Unleash Your Power to Rise Above.

This morning, as I was toting my two-year-old around on my hip, I randomly thought, "This is my normal."  For eight years I have been holding babies or balancing a toddler on one hip.  Having the use of one or no hands has just become the norm.  For some reason this moment that occurs so many times each day struck me:  how lucky I am to hold and carry my child.  I have been blessed to have my arms filled with four sweet kiddos to hold, soothe, carry, and snuggle for so many years.  What has been the norm for so long, may soon be fading.

Our youngest turned two this week.  Sure, two-year-olds still like to be held, but the desire to be independent soon reduces the amount of time they want to be.  I've done babies for so many years, it is hard to fathom that phase of life may be ending.  That old saying, "The days are long, but the years are short" keeps ringing in my ears.  All of those years of little sleep, nursing for hours a day, having no time to myself, and being needed by someone all.of.the.time may soon be gone.  Oh my.  How did that happen?  The bigger question, am I ready for it to end?

Life has a strange way of unfolding.  When we're in the thick of the hard seasons, the days seem to be so long, so challenging, so exhausting.  We may soon find ourselves feeling hopeless, desperate, and lost.  For me, this hard season lasted for 4 long years.  It did not start with my first or my second baby.  The hard years started with my third.  He came just 16 months after his older sister and on the day of his arrival I became the mom of three children 3 1/2 and under.  I was pretty sure I was up for the challenge, but this little blue-eyed, blonde-haired bundle of joy quickly made his presence known and not in the most pleasant of ways.

He was ornery.  He wanted to eat all of the time, every hour at night in fact, and would spend a great deal of the day and night crying.  Actually crying isn't a strong enough word.  He screamed and was inconsolable.  After six weeks of this, we figured out the culprit was dairy.  I felt strongly about nursing, so I removed dairy from my diet.  While it was challenging, I stuck to it without cheating once for over a year.  He calmed down for a bit, but then the ear infections kicked in.

I rarely slept longer than a few hours at a time.  My younger two had sixteen ear infections between them in 6 months.  I was so sleep-deprived it was not even funny.  In fact, it was dangerous.  One day, I stopped by my in-laws to drop off a few of my kids while I took my daughter to the doctor.  I got out of the van to unload them and the door was locked.  Upon trying to open the door, the van began to move forward.  I had left it in drive and it slowly rolled forward, with my children in it, right into their garage.  To this day, I still don't know how I got back in the van.  It was a terrifying experience.

That first year-and-a-half of my son's life was a blur.  Days rolled into months and before I knew it, a year.  There were plenty of beautiful, joyous moments, but they were hard to see at times due to the circumstances.  In time, we came out of the fog.  He finally started to sleep through the night at 18 months and we had a bit of a reprieve.

That summer we moved back near my parents.  I was so excited to be near my family again and felt relieved to know there would be help, if needed, somewhat nearby.  This was a welcome change and helped me feel less overwhelmed.  That summer went relatively well.  Though we struggled with some sleeping issues with our daughter who was experiencing newfound freedom in a toddler bed, we could see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Or so we thought.  Late that summer we found out we were expecting our fourth child.  While it was a bit of a surprise, I was fairly confident it wouldn't be nearly as overwhelming as the addition of our third.  Until the tides changed.

What came next rivaled the challenges of the incessant crying of our little guy.  Shortly after two he figured out how to crawl out of his crib.  He went from sleeping through the night to refusing to go to bed, nap, and woke at 4:30 A.M. for the day...for months on end.  Naturally, his behavior became difficult due to the lack of sleep and we entered into a whole new hard season of life filled with little sleep, temper tantrums, and very challenging behavior.  Throw in a pregnant mama and things went south quickly.

We struggled and struggled and struggled.  Our fuses became short.  The nap battles and bedtime battles were physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting.  There were days I put everyone into the van just to get him to sleep and have a break.  I'd pull back into the garage once he was asleep, turn off the engine, and pray I could get the older kids out without waking him.

The days were so long and the nights so short.  I was desperate, looking for the light, and all I could find was darkness.  This may sound dramatic, but I had hit rock bottom.  I had always dreamed of being a mother and raising my family, but our reality was far from the images I had conjured up in my head.  I felt like a failure and wondered how I would make it with the addition of another baby.

Well, that sweet little baby came and we did our best to "survive" during the baby phase.  For the first time ever I co-slept for the pure and simple fact I needed to sleep.  Our son's sleeping woes continued and after speaking with his pediatrician about his sleep struggles and behavior, it was suggested we try Melatonin.  It has been a game-changer.  Bedtime is no longer a struggle and the 4:30 wake-up calls have, for the most part, ended.  He continues to be high-energy and challenging at times, but the tide is turning.

While our sweet little girl brings much joy to our lives, she has also made her presence known in our family.  She's always close by and loves to be held.  Knowing she was probably our last child, I've obliged.  Two years later, though, we're starting to see the light again.  She has followed in her sibling's footsteps and not been a great sleeper, but I'm hopeful one of these days she'll start to consistently sleep through the night again.  This too shall pass and soon the baby and toddler phase will be over.

I'm not going to lie, there were times I was convinced I was not cut out for this and I would not make it through the day.  Many times I felt like a failure.  While never clinically diagnosed, I experienced bouts of depression and had a hard time getting through the day because I was so exhausted.  All of the idyllic dreams I had created in my mind did not come to fruition.  Motherhood is messy and no matter how much we'd like to feel like we're in control, the fact of the matter is simple:  we're not.

When I reflect on these challenging years, I see beauty and joy mixed with sadness and despair.  I have been home with my kids for their entire lives and while I haven't been perfect, I have done my best.  I have been challenged more than I ever thought possible, but I have overcome countless obstacles and persevered.  Motherhood is a tough job and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  Quitting isn't an option, so embrace the messy beautiful and push through those hard seasons.  There is light at the end of the tunnel and all of the joy and struggles are worth it.

Though it makes me sad, I believe I have begun to accept this season of life will be ending soon.  A new season is upon us and it is time to look forward to the next phase of life.  I pray that sleep will come more easily for all of us and we can enjoy the new adventures that lie ahead.  I look forward to our newfound freedom.  My husband and I have begun to schedule monthly date nights and I do my best to spend some time with my girlfriends each month.  Last month I even spent a night away with them to attend the Hearts at Home conference.  It was amazing.  We have some awesome vacations planned and I look forward to traveling as a family and making memories that will last a lifetime.

I know we have a life full of joy and challenges ahead of us, but I am sure we will persevere and overcome whatever arises.  In my heart, I know He only gives us what we can handle.  I guess He had a lot of faith in me during these early years.  It hasn't always been easy, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

 
  

A Moment In Time

There are moments in our lives as parents we will remember forever.  Yesterday was one of them.  Last spring, my friend's five-year-old son was diagnosed with leukemia and we began to pray for sweet Jack, a little boy my kids have never even met, all the way in Maryland.  Each night when they say their bedtime prayers, they ask God to help Jack feel better.  They frequently ask me how he is doing and were so excited when I told them his cancer was in remission.  In kids' terms:  the medicine was working and Jack was getting better.

Late last summer my oldest son decided he wanted to grow his hair out.  He is really into Star Wars and wanted to look like Anakin Skywalker.  As his hair grew longer, I would catch him admiring his locks in the mirror and the day it hit his shirt collar, he proudly proclaimed he did, indeed, look like Anakin.  While we supported him in his quest to become a real-life Anakin, we told him he would have to cut his hair for the summer.  He was disappointed.

A few months ago I shared an organization called St. Baldrick's with him.  This event happens nationwide and is a fundraiser for childhood cancer research.  We talked about Jack and how this event helped kids, like Jack, who have cancer.  After a little encouragement my son decided he would shave his head at a local St. Baldrick's event.  He set a $500 fundraising goal and began asking family and friends to support him.  The week before the event, he surpassed his goal by $15.  He was so proud and excited that he had met his goal.

Yesterday afternoon I went downstairs to gather the kids so we could get ready to head to the event.  The minute I said it was time to go get his head shaved, my sweet little boy began to cry and before long he had worked himself into quite the fit.  The reality that the hair he had grown out for so long was going to be shaved off was hard for him.  He loved that long hair and was so sad he would no longer look like Anakin.  He had made the decision he was not going to go.  We wondered if maybe this was just too much pressure for our introverted, anxious son, but we didn't give up.

My husband and I each took our turns talking with him.  We told him he was doing an amazing thing for other children and his heart would feel so full when he was done.  We talked about following through on the promise he had made to others through his fundraising efforts.  We shared the encouraging messages he had received from those who donated money.  We talked about the children with cancer who were very ill or had passed away from the disease and how those children didn't get a choice about the way their hair looked.

We finally got him to agree to go and check the event out.  When we arrived, his heels were still firmly dug into the ground.  We got into the event room and he realized he would be seated in front of a crowd while getting his head shaved and his resistance bumped up another notch.  We continued to encourage him and did our best to be patient and stay calm.  And then it happened.  He started to ease up a bit.  The nervousness and anxiety started to lighten.  I asked him if there was something special he would like to do if he got his head shaved.  He thought about it and said, "I'd like to use my gift card and get something on Amazon."  Deal.

In my heart, I want my children to help others without receiving anything in return, because it's the right thing to do.  Perhaps my expectations are too high for children so young.  My son was doing a great deed for others.  He had raised a lot of money and was parting with something very special to him:  his Anakin Skywalker hair.  He wasn't asking for anything over-the-top.  He just wanted us to take the time to sit down with him, look through Amazon, and choose something to spend his birthday gift card on.  This seemed reasonable, so we agreed.

All of the anxiety, nervousness, and uncertainty went away.  He proudly put on his t-shirt and walked up to his seat when his name was called.  When the stylist started shaving his hair off, he didn't even flinch.  My sweet son sat in that chair longer than any of the other shavees in his time slot.  He had so much hair it took a long time for her to shave it all off!  People in the crowd cheered him on, he got some high fives from others, and even found himself on the local ten o'clock news.

When she was done, my son looked at us with a big smile and his proud mama had tears in her eyes.  I cannot tell you how full my heart was to see my young son struggle and persevere.  He fulfilled his promise to those who supported him in his fundraising campaign and I could see from the look in his eyes that his heart was full, too.  When he was done, he went over to a poster displaying photos of local children with cancer.  He looked at those pictures and he knew what he had done was going to make a difference.

Today I sent my newly shaved son off to school.  He was proudly wearing his bright orange St. Baldrick's t-shirt and a button that said, "Ask me why I'm bald."  He'll tell his friends he had his head shaved to help kids with cancer.  He'll also share with them he did it for a very special little boy named Jack.

We did sit down last night and look through Amazon.  He chose a Star Wars Jedi costume.  I think it will be the perfect reminder of his St. Baldrick's experience.

    

Progress

The end of March is right around the corner and with that a quarter of 2015 will have passed.  Those cold winter months weren't wasted in our house and we hope to have a little spring in our step now that the weather will (hopefully) be warming up.  I've continued to keep notes in my "Get It Done" notebook and have enjoyed crossing off some of the "to-do's" in various categories.

I had high hopes around our house during the month of March.  My spring cleaning got off to a banging start, but amid the countless cases of strep throat and life's many unexpected twists and turns my efforts got derailed a bit.  I'm not throwing in the towel yet, after all I still have a few more days in March left, but I'm okay with the progress, though imperfect, that I made.  In due time this house will be decluttered and cleaned well, but until then I'll be content with accomplishing what my time allows each day.

I think the biggest area of progress during these first few months has been on the financial front.  After committing to finally utilizing a budget and focusing on the steps found in Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover, I am thrilled that my husband and I have moved on to step 3.  We are officially debt-free (other than our mortgage of course) and moving on to building up our six month savings.  We are both pretty ecstatic about our progress the past few months and are looking forward to the next step of the journey.  Our budget is going well and it has been amazing how less-stressed we are about money.  We know where our money is going and what a difference it has made.

I'll wrap it up with one other area I am so pleased has shown progress:  relationships.  By intentionally scheduling time for this area, we have been able to spend time out with our friends, both together and alone, gone on date nights, taken our kids on some fun, but simple, outings, and, gasp, I even snuck away for a night to attend the Hearts at Home conference with a few girlfriends.  While there is still room for improvement in this area, some serious progress has been made and it has been fun and refreshing.

So, cheers to three months into the journey of "2015: The Year to Get It Done."  Hoping this next month holds many bright, warm, and sunny days and the opportunity to set some goals and achieve them.  Good luck!

A Little Perspective

Perspective.  As individuals, our circumstances and experiences allow us to have a perspective that might differ from others.  In fact, two people can see and experience an identical situation and have two very different views and accounts of what happened.  Perhaps this has happened to you and lead to some misunderstanding, or even a fallout, with another person because of these differing views. You see, it is so very easy to jump to conclusions, judge another, or feel inferior to those whose perspectives on life we simply don't understand because we have not lived life through their eyes. We have not walked a mile in their shoes and, therefore, cannot fully appreciate their unique perspective.

I think it is fair to say many people assume the surface impression they have of a person is indicative of their life behind closed doors.

-Live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood?  They must be rich.
-Stay at home with your children?  They must have a lot of free time on your hands
-Out on a date with your spouse?  They must have a good marriage.
-Receiving assistance from the government?  They must be lazy.
-Always smiling?  They must have no problems.

While these are just a few examples of how we may perceive someone's life to be from the snapshot impression we have of them, the truth may be much different.  We cannot understand another's circumstance without walking in their shoes.  We cannot truly know someone by only scratching the surface.  We cannot assume to know someone's story by hearing second-hand accounts.

While I am certainly not hear to say I have never judged a book by it's cover, I am hear to tell you that the book may look very different on the inside than you could ever imagine.  The family with the nice house may have sacrificed the extras and worked really hard to save up money for years to be able to afford that home.  The stay-at-home mom may have very little time to herself between the responsibilities she has taking care of her family, managing the home, and giving of her time to help others.  The couple out on the date may be fighting for their marriage and working on forgiveness. The person in need of government assistance may have lost a job they held for years, be facing mounting medical bills due to illness, or lost their partner.  The person who is always smiling may be wearing a mask to hide the pain and heartbreak they are experiencing.

We simply never know what another's circumstance may be and oddly enough, those circumstances can change at the drop of a hat.  While we cannot control what happens from one day to the next, we can make the choice let our pre-conceived notions about others go.  We can choose patience, understanding, and empathy rather than anger, irritation, and judgement.  If given the opportunity, we can reach further than the surface and take the time to really get to know people.

I encourage you to reach out to one person this week, take the time to ask them how they're doing, and really listen.  Inquire about their interests.  Ask them about their family.  Set aside what you think you know and you may be surprised to find something entirely different lies beneath the surface. Your perception of them may change and with any luck, it will be the beginning of a change that will bring much joy and peace to your life.

  



 

The Struggle to Just "Be"

What if we removed all of the unnecessary extras from our lives?  Would we feel more relaxed, less stressed, and more at peace or would the opposite occur?  Would we feel unsettled, more stress because we're missing out, or dare I say, lost, because we're not running ourselves to the bone?  It's an experiment worth exploring and an idea that's being weighing heavy on my heart for the past few weeks.  What if I reduced the amount of "stuff" I fill my days with and instead concentrate on just a few things.

Today I came across this post on the epidemic of busyness.  We're so accustomed to being busy that not having anything to do causes us to feel uncomfortable.  How sad.  I am just as guilty as the next person at being busy, though much of my busyness occurs within the walls of my home.  Truth be told, I am a bit of a homebody, at least during the day.  I have a difficult time sitting still and feeling content just "being."  I can sit and happily read for hours, but I have a hard time just sitting...period.

So, what gives?  How am I going to un-busy my life.  For the meantime, I am going to take a step back and let go what doesn't have to be done.  While I take great joy in expressing my thoughts through writing, I am going to continue to take a step back and write once a week, at most.  Though I am itching at the bit to start a new business venture, I am going to wait until all is good on the home front and the timing is right.

Instead, I am going to focus on my family, my home, my well-being, and my charity.  Sounds a little selfish, "my, my, my," but in my eyes, it is so very unselfish.  To be happy, content, and fulfilled, I need to focus on my husband and children.  I need to create a home that is peaceful and simple.  I need to take care of my physical health, spend time with my friends, and reflect on ways to re-energize and refresh.  Lastly, I need to tend to the activities and networking that needs to be done to ensure our charity continues to grow and serve our community.

I think it is safe to say all of the aforementioned activities will take time, but it will be time well spent.  By nature I am a go-getter.  It hard for me to slow down, but it is time to pull the pedal back a bit and let some things go.  It is time to re-train the brain and simply enjoy "being."