Busy...Why This Word Needs to Go Away

"Busy."  This seems to be the word most of us use to describe our lives.  As a society we seem to wear our busyness with pride, but have we paused a moment to really examine what is truly making us so "busy?"  Are these busy lives we are creating for ourselves and our families truly something to be proud of?  We complain about how we don't have any time for homework, how we don't have time to cook and have a family meal, how we don't have time to go to church, how we don't have time to exercise...to sleep...the list goes on.  Simply put, we have little time to focus on what truly matters and rest.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gently and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, my burden is light."  Matthew 11:28-30  

Children attend school all day, are picked up, and begin the evening rush.  On the weekend they are shuttled around from activity to activity, putting the very things we complain about not having time for on the back-burner.  Sadly, the days of unstructured time for play, exercise, and imagination seem to be fading.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."  Romans 12:2

As parents, we have been entrusted with the responsibility of shaping the next generation.  Impressionable eyes are watching us.  Little ears are listening.  These children are looking to us for guidance and it is our job to lead by example.  What are we teaching our children by being so busy we don't have time to eat as a family?  How are we teaching them to value education and be responsible when their homework is finished as they're running out the door because we were running from activity to activity the night before?  How are we teaching them to be grateful for their blessings and serve others in their community when we are too busy to volunteer ourselves?  The hard truth? We're not.

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."  1 Timothy 5:8

The buzz on the street is we're raising an entitled generation of kids.  While it's hard to hear, can many of you disagree?  We have succumbed to the idea that our kids' happiness is measured by all of the "stuff" we provide for them.  Activities, play dates, material items, the latest and greatest technology...ugh, the list goes on and on.  They get what they want and then they ask for more.  They are searching for a feeling of satisfaction that will never come because there will always be something better behind the next door.  Oh, America, what are we doing?

"Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."  Hebrews 13:5

It is time to take a step back and truly evaluate our lives.  If you are too busy for homework, family dinners, nightly reading, and reasonable bedtimes then perhaps it is time to make a change.  Our children are depending on us to set limits and create a home environment that isn't so busy.  Sure, it may be hard to say no to whatever it is they are "dying" to do next, but in the end, after the tears have dried and the tantrum has ceased, how refreshing will it feel to not be so overwhelmed and, you got it, busy?  Let go of the guilt.  There is no disservice in saying no.  In time your children will thank you.

"For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."  Hebrews 12:11

The Power of "No"

A few months ago I wrote about finding my best yes.  I am a self-proclaimed doer.  I have a hard time sitting still and often say "yes" to commitments without really giving it any thought.  As this trend continues, though, I am starting to realize the importance of carefully considering how I spend my time and choosing activities that align with my goals and what I have been called to do.  Saying "no" is not easy, but if I don't, my best yeses will suffer and there will not be time for the activities that bring feelings of joy and fulfillment.

After a long period of evaluation and contemplation, I said my first "no" this week.  This year I have served as the vice president of the PTA at my kids' school.  What I hoped would be a fulfilling experience has turned out to be a frustrating, disappointing, time-consuming year.  As a former teacher and parent who highly values education, I wholeheartedly believe in the importance of being involved at my kids' school and thought stepping into this position was a great opportunity.  As the year progressed, the lack of parental involvement left me and a few others to shoulder the load.  While my kids are proud their mama helps out at school, I believe there is a way to be supportive without holding a position on the board which leaves me feeling incredibly unfulfilled and my tank empty.  With the school year winding down, I have made the decision to step down and shared that at our meeting this week.

My load has been lightened and I could not be happier.  Saying "no" has been so freeing.  When I attended the Hearts at Home conference in March, I sat in on one of Jill Savage's breakout sessions where she discussed ten ways to reduce your stress.  There were two main points I took away from this session I want to share with you today:  never say "yes" on the spot and limit yourself to one major commitment and limit the minor commitments.

What is the difference between a major and minor commitment?  A major commitment involves you actively planning, organizing, and participating in an activity.  A minor commitment may be an activity where you simply need to show up.  Overloading our schedules with major commitments stretches us too thin and leads us down a long and frustrating path.  This idea has resonated deeply with me.  Though I love to get involved in a wide variety of activities, it truly is not in my or my family's best interest to accept a large role in all of these activities.  This advice played a big part in my decision to step down from the PTA board after this school year.  I can still be involved, but on a much smaller scale.

Choosing my major commitment was easy.  From Cover to Cover, the literacy charity I co-founded, easily takes the cake.  It is a project I believe in with every ounce of my being and the joy and fulfillment it brings to my life is indescribable.  Outside of my family, this will be where my time and energy will be spent.  From Cover to Cover encompasses so much of what makes me, well, me.  I can use my education background to serve others in need and network with people all over my community.  The experiences I have had in the two short years we have been up and running have been life-changing and as we continue to grow, I know this will continue to fuel my soul.

Narrowing down my minor commitments will be more difficult.  As a doer, it will be so hard for me to step back and not take the lead.  By nature I am an organizer.  In the past ten years I have founded a handful of groups to fulfill the needs in my life.  When my son was born and I was a new stay-at-home mom, I was lonely.  To combat the isolation, I started a moms and babies playgroup with a few other gals I met during those early months.  When we joined a large church and felt isolated as young parents, I started a mothers of young children ministry to connect with other families in our parish.  When we moved, I did it again at our new church.

See a pattern developing?!  I get an idea in my head and tend to run with it.  If I were wealthy, I would have started at least five businesses by now.  By nature my mind runs on overdrive and at times my body tends to follow.  Reigning this in will not be easy, but I am trying to focus on the activities in my life that bring my joy.  By reducing my commitments, I can spend more time baking, exercising, writing, and reading.  Hobbies tend to get shoved aside when you are overwhelmed with outside commitments and I look forward to regularly indulging in activities I enjoy.

 Relationships also tend to suffer, because there is not enough time in the day to tend to all of the responsibilities weighing you down.  I often find myself engaged in activities to better others while my family may be caught in the crossfire of an overstressed, over-scheduled mom.  Clearly this is not the way to live.  My eyes have been opened, now I mentally need to slow down.

This year of getting it done is filled with many goals.  Ironically many of those goals are meant to rid my life of overcommitting and, in turn, make decisions that align with our family purpose statement.  I hope to slow down and enjoy what is right before my eyes.  Not what may or may not happen a week, month, or year down the road.  This is a growing process and it is going to take far longer than 2015 to complete.      

This once again traces back to my word of the year:  discipline.  One must be disciplined and learn the art of saying "no."

When Seasons Change

Today I am linking up with Jill Savage and Hearts at Home for Third Thursday Thoughts.  This month the theme is:  Unleash Your Power to Rise Above.

This morning, as I was toting my two-year-old around on my hip, I randomly thought, "This is my normal."  For eight years I have been holding babies or balancing a toddler on one hip.  Having the use of one or no hands has just become the norm.  For some reason this moment that occurs so many times each day struck me:  how lucky I am to hold and carry my child.  I have been blessed to have my arms filled with four sweet kiddos to hold, soothe, carry, and snuggle for so many years.  What has been the norm for so long, may soon be fading.

Our youngest turned two this week.  Sure, two-year-olds still like to be held, but the desire to be independent soon reduces the amount of time they want to be.  I've done babies for so many years, it is hard to fathom that phase of life may be ending.  That old saying, "The days are long, but the years are short" keeps ringing in my ears.  All of those years of little sleep, nursing for hours a day, having no time to myself, and being needed by someone all.of.the.time may soon be gone.  Oh my.  How did that happen?  The bigger question, am I ready for it to end?

Life has a strange way of unfolding.  When we're in the thick of the hard seasons, the days seem to be so long, so challenging, so exhausting.  We may soon find ourselves feeling hopeless, desperate, and lost.  For me, this hard season lasted for 4 long years.  It did not start with my first or my second baby.  The hard years started with my third.  He came just 16 months after his older sister and on the day of his arrival I became the mom of three children 3 1/2 and under.  I was pretty sure I was up for the challenge, but this little blue-eyed, blonde-haired bundle of joy quickly made his presence known and not in the most pleasant of ways.

He was ornery.  He wanted to eat all of the time, every hour at night in fact, and would spend a great deal of the day and night crying.  Actually crying isn't a strong enough word.  He screamed and was inconsolable.  After six weeks of this, we figured out the culprit was dairy.  I felt strongly about nursing, so I removed dairy from my diet.  While it was challenging, I stuck to it without cheating once for over a year.  He calmed down for a bit, but then the ear infections kicked in.

I rarely slept longer than a few hours at a time.  My younger two had sixteen ear infections between them in 6 months.  I was so sleep-deprived it was not even funny.  In fact, it was dangerous.  One day, I stopped by my in-laws to drop off a few of my kids while I took my daughter to the doctor.  I got out of the van to unload them and the door was locked.  Upon trying to open the door, the van began to move forward.  I had left it in drive and it slowly rolled forward, with my children in it, right into their garage.  To this day, I still don't know how I got back in the van.  It was a terrifying experience.

That first year-and-a-half of my son's life was a blur.  Days rolled into months and before I knew it, a year.  There were plenty of beautiful, joyous moments, but they were hard to see at times due to the circumstances.  In time, we came out of the fog.  He finally started to sleep through the night at 18 months and we had a bit of a reprieve.

That summer we moved back near my parents.  I was so excited to be near my family again and felt relieved to know there would be help, if needed, somewhat nearby.  This was a welcome change and helped me feel less overwhelmed.  That summer went relatively well.  Though we struggled with some sleeping issues with our daughter who was experiencing newfound freedom in a toddler bed, we could see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Or so we thought.  Late that summer we found out we were expecting our fourth child.  While it was a bit of a surprise, I was fairly confident it wouldn't be nearly as overwhelming as the addition of our third.  Until the tides changed.

What came next rivaled the challenges of the incessant crying of our little guy.  Shortly after two he figured out how to crawl out of his crib.  He went from sleeping through the night to refusing to go to bed, nap, and woke at 4:30 A.M. for the day...for months on end.  Naturally, his behavior became difficult due to the lack of sleep and we entered into a whole new hard season of life filled with little sleep, temper tantrums, and very challenging behavior.  Throw in a pregnant mama and things went south quickly.

We struggled and struggled and struggled.  Our fuses became short.  The nap battles and bedtime battles were physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting.  There were days I put everyone into the van just to get him to sleep and have a break.  I'd pull back into the garage once he was asleep, turn off the engine, and pray I could get the older kids out without waking him.

The days were so long and the nights so short.  I was desperate, looking for the light, and all I could find was darkness.  This may sound dramatic, but I had hit rock bottom.  I had always dreamed of being a mother and raising my family, but our reality was far from the images I had conjured up in my head.  I felt like a failure and wondered how I would make it with the addition of another baby.

Well, that sweet little baby came and we did our best to "survive" during the baby phase.  For the first time ever I co-slept for the pure and simple fact I needed to sleep.  Our son's sleeping woes continued and after speaking with his pediatrician about his sleep struggles and behavior, it was suggested we try Melatonin.  It has been a game-changer.  Bedtime is no longer a struggle and the 4:30 wake-up calls have, for the most part, ended.  He continues to be high-energy and challenging at times, but the tide is turning.

While our sweet little girl brings much joy to our lives, she has also made her presence known in our family.  She's always close by and loves to be held.  Knowing she was probably our last child, I've obliged.  Two years later, though, we're starting to see the light again.  She has followed in her sibling's footsteps and not been a great sleeper, but I'm hopeful one of these days she'll start to consistently sleep through the night again.  This too shall pass and soon the baby and toddler phase will be over.

I'm not going to lie, there were times I was convinced I was not cut out for this and I would not make it through the day.  Many times I felt like a failure.  While never clinically diagnosed, I experienced bouts of depression and had a hard time getting through the day because I was so exhausted.  All of the idyllic dreams I had created in my mind did not come to fruition.  Motherhood is messy and no matter how much we'd like to feel like we're in control, the fact of the matter is simple:  we're not.

When I reflect on these challenging years, I see beauty and joy mixed with sadness and despair.  I have been home with my kids for their entire lives and while I haven't been perfect, I have done my best.  I have been challenged more than I ever thought possible, but I have overcome countless obstacles and persevered.  Motherhood is a tough job and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  Quitting isn't an option, so embrace the messy beautiful and push through those hard seasons.  There is light at the end of the tunnel and all of the joy and struggles are worth it.

Though it makes me sad, I believe I have begun to accept this season of life will be ending soon.  A new season is upon us and it is time to look forward to the next phase of life.  I pray that sleep will come more easily for all of us and we can enjoy the new adventures that lie ahead.  I look forward to our newfound freedom.  My husband and I have begun to schedule monthly date nights and I do my best to spend some time with my girlfriends each month.  Last month I even spent a night away with them to attend the Hearts at Home conference.  It was amazing.  We have some awesome vacations planned and I look forward to traveling as a family and making memories that will last a lifetime.

I know we have a life full of joy and challenges ahead of us, but I am sure we will persevere and overcome whatever arises.  In my heart, I know He only gives us what we can handle.  I guess He had a lot of faith in me during these early years.  It hasn't always been easy, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

 
  

Birthdays Bring a Gentle Reminder

Sunday brought another birthday for my oldest son.  They seem to come so quickly and I don't like it!  Every time one of my kids has a birthday I find myself thinking of the long hours leading up to their birth and it makes me wish I could turn back the time.  Seeing each of my kids for the first time was just so amazing.  There are simply no words that can describe the moment.

Birthdays bring me back to the magical moment I first held my children.  How I instantly fell in love and would do anything to protect and care for them.  It's amazing how those long hours of pain are instantly washed away once that sweet baby is born.  There is no other experience in this life like the birth of your child.

Time will tell if my time is done welcoming a new little one into the world.  Some days I feel like our family is complete and others I'm just not so sure.  The baby stage is hard on me and our marriage.  As much as I love and adore my new babies, the sleepless nights, nursing, and pure exhaustion are hard to manage.

Regardless of what the future holds, I feel so blessed to have my four kiddos.  I wish they'd stop growing so quickly, but I can't slow down time.  I am thankful for the birthdays we celebrate each year and the gentle reminder that comes with each one:  love them for who they are and cherish all of the memories I have of them through the years.  These really are the magical years.  Motherhood is sort of a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde experience.  Some days I feel so satisfied and others I just want to beat my head into a wall.  The seasons ebb and flow, and while they might be physically, mentally, and emotionally draining at times, I need to do better at focusing on the positive moments rather than the negatives.  Some days it's just so hard to remember that.

    

A Family Purpose Statement

Success.  At the end of our days, when we look back on our time on this Earth, how will we define success?  Will it be the relationships we have fostered?  The amount of money we have accrued in our bank accounts?   The family we created and the legacy we will leave behind?  The time we devoted to serving others?  The experiences we've had?  The places we've traveled to?  While I'm certainly no expert, I suppose it will be compilation of all of the above and more.

In a success-driven, competitive society, one must be careful not to forget what is most important: fulfilling our purpose as a family and the health and well-being of our family unit.  There certainly is no one-size-fits-all option when it comes to making decisions for yourself and your family.  Each decision should be carefully weighed and fit within your family values.

Last year I read Notes from a Blue Bike by Tsh Oxenreider.  Early in the book, she suggests creating a family purpose statement.  Since the day I read this, I have wanted to sit down with my husband and draft our family purpose statement.  For some odd reason, we have yet to do that.  Guess what? We are going to get that done this week.

You see, the point of this family purpose statement is to help guide you in your decision-making process and focus on what is important to YOUR family.  It helps us sort through the noise and distractions we encounter every day from our extended family, friends, neighbors, and society in general.  I love this quote from Tsh's husband found in the post linked above about a series she did on getting back to the basics:

“The first post should be how to manage it all by finding your family’s priorities and ignoring everything else. No one can do it all, so it’s essential to start by finding out what you should do, and which things are okay to ignore.”

Creating this statement will take some time and serious thinking.  It should be done as a couple with everyone in your family in mind.  If your kids are old enough, ask them some questions and thoughtfully consider their responses.  When you're done, type it up, print it off, and keep it where you and your spouse will see it often.  Heck, make it pretty and post it where anyone who visits your home can see it.  I believe when we can clearly see what we value and where our priorities lie, making life choices, whether big or small, will become much easier.

Perhaps at the end of our days, we will define our success by how true we stayed to our own beliefs and values.  We may simply ask ourselves if we fulfilled our purpose as an individual and as a family.  With a clear statement guiding us along the way, it may be easier to stay the course and not be coerced into walking a path not meant for us.  

              

Motherhood...Who Knew?!

Motherhood.  Nearly eight years ago I entered into the club of mothers.  For as long as I can remember I have loved children.  When I was young, I impatiently waited for the time to come when I could babysit and when it finally arrived nearly every weekend was filled with a job.  If there was a baby or toddler running around at a gathering, I was always waiting in the wings to be asked to hold or play with them.  My passion for children lead me to a career in education and after graduation I found myself teaching young children with special needs.  It was a challenging job, but I enjoyed it and swelled with pride when those sweet kiddos met a new milestone.

Naively, I assumed motherhood wouldn't be too much of a challenge and life would carry on as normal, just with a baby in tow.  After all, I had plenty of experience since I had spent much of my life with children.  Boy was I wrong.  Little did I know how much sleep deprivation and fluctuating hormones would affect not only my ability to parent, but to maintain an identity outside of Mom.

When I made the choice to stay home with my children, I had no idea how hard it would be.  Many might scoff at that statement, but spending your days at home with the sweet bundles of joy who can't converse and need you nearly every minute of the day (oh, and night) is no walk in the park.  It is easy to become isolated and quickly lose track of who you are as an individual.

I've been at home nearly eight years now and while I wouldn't trade that time for the world, I have thrown my hands up in the air many times and been ready to quit.  But I haven't.  I have trudged through days that have run into weeks on end of challenging behaviors, temper tantrums, and frustration.  I have slept walked through years of life knowing one day it would end and all of the struggles and exhaustion would be worth it.  These years, when our children are young and ornery, will swiftly pass by.  It may not feel like it when we're in the thick of it, but as the old saying goes, "The days are long, but the years are short."

In "The Year to Get It Done" I want to do my best to embrace this season of life.  Some days it may be hard, but these years are going by all too quickly.  I hope to be able to set aside time to do special things with our kids and to create traditions, like family movie and game night, that bring us together as a family and allow us to relax and have some fun.  I want to pack a picnic and hit the park when the weather is nice and go on out of town adventures.  I want to encourage our kids to explore their interests and support their hobbies within reason.  I want to sit around the table each night and talk about our day.  I want to find opportunities to serve as a family and make a difference in our small corner of the world.    

Most of all, I hope when our children are grown, they look back on their childhood and smile.  I hope they realize the importance of family and appreciate all of the adventures we went on and opportunities they had.  I hope they realize how important they are to us and how we loved watching them grow into the unique individuals that they are.  I hope our children are grateful for their blessings and willing to serve those who are in need.  

Our greatest gift to our children is our time.  I think I need to tattoo this on my hands, for there are times when I don't always make the best choices with the precious hours I'm given each day.  Some days I yearn for time to myself, if only for a few moments.  I must remember, though, when my kids ask me to watch them, to sit with them, or look at their creation for the umteenth time that day, I need to do just that.

If I don't, they will quit asking.  What a sad day that would be.  Sometimes getting it done means doing nothing at all.  It means being present in the lives of those we love the most and simply taking the time to enjoy the little things.    

     

     

  

   

Through Our Children's Eyes

During dinner last night we went around the table and shared our blessings for the day.  After adding them to our gratitude journal, we began a fun conversation sparked by one of the children's blessings for the day:  our upcoming vacation to the beach.  Yes, it may still be four months away, but the kids' enthusiasm is hard to contain.

The conversation was focused on what they would like to do and see during this year's trip to the beach.  They couldn't share their ideas quick enough and there may have been a little fighting over whose turn it was, but once the conversation concluded my husband and I looked at each other and just knew this little tradition we have started will be one of their favorite childhood memories once our kids are grown.

7 years ago my mom planned a family trip to the beach to celebrate her birthday.  After a lot of research she decided on a sleepy little beach town in North Carolina:  Topsail Island.  At the time we only had our oldest son who was almost 18 months old.  We flew to North Carolina and met the rest of my family for a weeklong beach adventure.

We fell in love with the place.  This area is about as non-commercialized as you can get.  Sure, there are some beach stores selling the cheesy souvenirs, a few chain fast-food restaurants, and a recently added Wal-Mart, but for the most part this is a place filled with local businesses and beach houses rented out to vacationers like us.  

We had so much fun we went back the following year with a new baby in tow and our son.  Life happened and vacations were put on hold, but last year we decided to make the trip back to the beach we love. It was our first family road trip and it was a trip to remember.  The kids LOVED the place and the house we rented this time was perfect for our family and my parents.

Before we even left last summer, the kids asked if we could return.  We didn't make any promises, but hoped we could.  In January we reserved the same house and told the kids the beach was a go. They were so excited!  One of the first questions they asked:  "Are we going to the same house?!"

And so it begins.  We enjoy traveling and this is a big priority for our family.  While we want to vacation all over the country and hit all of those ballparks, there is something special about having "our place."  The conversation around the dinner table last night confirmed that.  The familiarity of it coupled with the special memories and places the kids already hold so dear to their hearts makes the trip almost magical.

When my husband and I exchanged glances last night it brought a smile to both of our faces.  The kids had left the table and all grabbed a piece of paper to create their list of things to do at the beach this year.  In the big life picture it is not the material items that matter.  It is the experiences we share as a family and the memories we create together that will leave a lasting impact on our children (and us!).  I will happily pass on new clothes and shoes, eating out, and getting my hair done every few months if it means the money I have saved allows us to afford that yearly trip to the beach.

We've found a place that brings our entire family such joy and happiness.  I consider myself very fortunate to have found this treasure when our children were so young.  We can look forward to many years of memories and relaxing on the beach together as a family.  Life doesn't get much better than that!  

Stop and Focus

The end of January is right around the corner.  It is hard to believe we are nearly through the first month of 2015.  Time is precious.  We cannot get it back, it comes with no guarantee, and, though not scientifically proven, it sure seems to move faster as we age.  It is simple truth that our years, days, and hours are limited.  We can choose to spend them wishing for something better, you know the grass is always greener theory, or we can choose to be grateful and accepting of our life as it is.

Why is it so difficult to choose the latter?  Perhaps because we live in a time where immediate gratification is desired and there are always the Jones' to keep up with.  Perhaps because we move through life racing ninety miles an hour giving little thought or attention to all of the beautiful moments we miss speeding by.  Why do we want to race to the finish line when the finish line means our time in this life is through?

How can we turn our focus away from what is not to what is?  By slowing down.  By being intentional with the use of our time.  To limit our commitments to those which leave us feeling fulfilled rather than those that weigh us down.  By choosing to surround ourselves with people who bring us joy and happiness.  Those who are not afraid to encourage us to stay focused on what is important in life.  By counting our blessings through the beauty and mess which we may find in our lives each day.  By being a faithful servant.

Today, while cleaning through a basket, I found a gratitude journal we started last year.  Ashamedly, we did not do a great job of focusing on and recording our blessings.  On the bright side, there are plenty of pages to fill up this year.  We will keep this near our dinner table and use it as a tool to guide our dinner conversation and recount and record our blessings from the day.  It will be a wonderful way to teach our children to be gracious and thankful for what they have and the positive experiences in life rather than focusing on the have nots and the negative.

I hope our family fills this journal in 2015 with not only the big blessings, but those tiny blessings we might miss if we're too focused on tomorrow and racing through life.  When the year comes to an end, what a blessing it will be to look back and recount all which we had to be thankful for in 2015.          

Unpredictability

Y'all it is hard to get it done when your baby has been sick for days on end and sleep has been hard to come by.  I'm giving myself some grace this week as it has taken every last ounce of my energy to care for her all day and all night.  I am praying this doesn't spread to one of the other three.  If it does, we'll be out of commission until February!

This unpredictability is just the norm when you're a parent.  I have found things can drastically change from one hour to the next.  Jeez, I suppose this could be reduced to minute by minute.  It can make life a little more challenging, but this too shall pass. There are times I sadly think of the days that will come several years from now when I will miss the chaos and craziness of having my children at home.  When we're in the thick of it, though, it is hard to imagine that day will ever come.

The important lesson in all of this, though, is to not let the bumps in the road completely derail the journey.  No, I have not made a dent in what I wanted to accomplish this week, but it's okay.  There is always tomorrow.  This week my baby needs her mommy and when there's a rare quiet moment I need rest.

While no one wants their children to feel miserable, there have been treasured moments to be found. It has been ages since I've held my sleeping baby and the snuggles have been aplenty. In no time at all these days will be gone.  I have soaked up every last one of them this week. Sometimes there is beauty in the mess if we open our eyes to find it.

The Word on the Street

Intentional Living.  This is a very common trend in many of the books I read and blogs I follow.  It is a way of life where little time is wasted, the small things matter, and we are cognizant of our choices and how they affect our families and ourselves.  I love the buzz behind this concept and am doing my best to adopt this lifestyle.

So often we let our every day responsibilities consume the majority of our time.  I am sure we can all count numerous missed opportunities to just sit down and enjoy the precious little moments because we felt we didn't have time.  Our daily responsibilities seem to overwhelm us and may rob us of the opportunity to find joy in the small things which play out in our homes each day.

It can be so hard to just pause and be thankful for our blessings.  To watch our children interact with one another.  To listen to the recap of their day or the next great imaginative game they are playing. To sit down and read an extra book, play a game, or just sit, snuggle, and talk.  I know I am guilty and my guess is you are, too.

How do we go about changing our ways?  How do we become more intentional in our every day lives?  To be honest, I'm not one hundred percent sure, but I have a few ideas which may help.

1.  Designate screen-free time each day.  This isn't just about the kids.  Turn off the tv, shut down the computer and tablets, and simply spend time together.  It doesn't have to be an eternity, but even 30 minutes of uninterrupted time together would make a tremendous difference in all of our lives.

2.  Chuck the phone aside.  Much like designating screen-free time, set aside a few hours to put the phone away.  Let the emails, texts, and phone calls go.  They can wait.  If you have to, hide it.  Sounds silly, but as the old saying goes, "Out of sight, out of mind."

3.  Pencil in some family time.  Hit a park, take in a movie, have a game night.  Whatever the case, schedule it in just as you would an appointment or meeting.  Make this time a priority and follow through with whatever activity you have chosen.  Make it a habit to pencil in designated family time each week.

4.  Lastly, engage in conversation.  Ask questions, share stories, keep the lines of communication open.  The best time to do this?  During a family meal and at bedtime.  In our house dinner can be absolute chaos if we don't intentionally ask questions and steer the conversation in the right direction. We are not consistent, though, and need to make it a point to do this each night.  We have learned a lot in the conversations held around the table and in the quiet moments before bedtime.  It would be a shame to be too busy and miss them.

I am going to work really hard to abide by these rules.  My family is my number one priority and I want them to understand this with absolute certainty.  It is so hard to cut out the distractions or take a break from our to-do lists, but our family deserves our full attention.  We owe it to ourselves to slow down and make intentional choices that will benefit our whole family and solidify our relationships with each other.  I want to model valuing people and relationships over technology, to-do lists, and housework.

Go ahead.  Give yourself permission to slow down and enjoy the small things in life.  Those moments will last a lifetime and become our greatest treasures.

  

  

The Best Things in Life Aren't Things

If you could spend your money on anything, what would it be?  Clothes, shoes, a new car?  My answer is nothing tangible, but experience-driven.  I would travel.  I love visiting new places (especially those with a beach!) and would do so several times a year if I fell into a small fortune.
This is a huge part of my "why."  Why I want to work hard to rid ourselves of debt, save, and invest.  I simply want to be able to pack up the family or sneak away with my husband and travel.

Before we embarked on the journey to become debt-free, we had started a travel fund.  I have a few side businesses that bring in some money, so I have diligently saved every dime I have made so we can take a couple of family vacations this summer.  My husband works hard to provide for our family and we are committed to using his earnings to pay the bills, eliminate the debt, and save for the future.  For the mean time, I have taken responsibility for earning the "fun money."

It is true if you understand your why, the motivation and drive will follow.  We only have eighteen summers with our children and we're going to make the most of them.  Hitting the road as a family creates memories that last a lifetime.  We took our first successful long road trip last summer and had so much fun we have planned two for this year.  One back to North Carolina to our favorite sleepy beach town and another to Texas to make some more stops on our ballpark tour.  Our goal is to see all of the major league baseball stadiums before our oldest son graduates from high school.  We only have ten years to go, but have a good start!  If all goes as planned, our kids will have seen a lot of the country before they ever go off to college.  What an awesome family journey it will be.    

Take the time to consider your dreams and set your eye on the prize.  Create a goal and start meeting the small benchmarks to get there.  We're only here for a short while and as we all know tomorrow is no guarantee.  Don't waste another minute wishing you could achieve that dream.  Take the first step to make it happen.

Overcoming the Hurdles

In a perfect world, all systems in our lives would be balanced and running well.  We all know, though, that life is far from perfect.  It is not uncommon to feel success and fulfillment in a few areas of life, yet struggle in others.  Unfortunately, the struggles tend to follow us around and may overshadow the accomplishments we experience in other facets of life.

When I reflect on my priorities, wife and mother easily fill the top slots.  Having struggles in either of these areas greatly impacts my general happiness and well-being.  What may be a hill when all is well on the home front quickly turns into a mountain when it's not.  Life is so much easier to handle when all systems are a go at home.

As you have probably inferred by now, we are struggling at home.  The older our kids get, the less they seem to listen.  When the kids don't listen, we yell.  I hate yelling, but it seems to be the norm around here anymore.  It is so hard to catch the good moments, because it seems like from the time they get up until the time they go to bed someone is fighting, screaming, arguing, and blatantly ignoring any direction.

It is exhausting.  It is frustrating.  Something has to change.  What better time than during The Year to Get Sh*t Done than to make a positive change.  The biggest hurdle?  Where to start.  I think the first step is getting to the root of the problem, which I believe is a bit of a tangled web.

While I'm no expert, here are my thoughts.  Kids need responsibility, structure, and consistency.  The first change we're going to make in this house is in the area of responsibility.  My kids have a few chores we ask them to complete, but they need more.  How do I know this?  It seems like anytime I ask them to do something, I get "a look" or an argument.  Adding in some more chores will hopefully curb these behaviors, as it will eventually become the norm.  It's pretty plain and simple:  we have a large family.  Everyone needs to help out.

We're going to give this a good solid month before I evaluate whether or not these newfound responsibilities have had an impact.  It is my hope we'll be heading in the right direction and can add our second component:  a little more structure.

There are few feelings worse than those associated with "mom guilt."  To live each day feel deflated and defeated is no way to live.  It is going to take some time, but our home is going to see progress.  I just know it.

Today I'll leave you with this beautiful quote about motherhood.  It is so true, yet so hard to do at times.  When the times are challenging, I will do my best to remember that God blessed us with our four babies and entrusted us to teach and guide them through life.  We are setting the example.  It's time to raise the bar and fulfill our purpose.