Life's Struggles Make Us Stronger

Last month I wrote about lightening the load.  For years I had struggled with the mysterious end of two friendships I valued very much.  During this year of getting sh*t done, I have set goals in many areas.  One of them being relationships, particularly friendships.

I am not going to lie.  Female friendships have always been a challenge for me.  From middle school through college I struggled with these relationships.  Throughout that period of time I had many quote, unquote "friends," but somewhere along the line something always went terribly wrong.  One day we were "friends" and the next day, well, we weren't.  I know I made plenty of mistakes along the way, but I never understood how people could turn on you so quickly and treat you so poorly.  

I think this is why the end of these two particular friendships hurt so badly.  I met them after college during the carefree, living it up stage of my life.  I had made the decision to spread my wings and fly after graduating and landed 16 hours from home.  My first day of work I was blessed to meet a gal, who also happened to be from Iowa, and we quickly became best friends.  She introduced me to a few other transplants and just like that I had a group to belong to and felt at home.

They liked me for who I was as a person and no one was there to interject their personal opinions about me.  I had a fresh start and was so relieved and happy to put the volatile high school and college years behind me.  It felt so great to be accepted and part of the group for simply being who I was.  I didn't have to pretend to be someone I wasn't to fit in and much to my relief I felt safe.  I no longer feared the whispers or who would be the next person to turn around and talk about me behind my back.  It was so freeing.  

These friendships were valuable to me and I miss them.  It is why I made the decision to finally reach out in hope of reconnecting.  There was never any great fallout.  They just went away.  Those friendships came at a time in my life when I desperately needed to feel accepted and valued as an individual.  God puts people in our lives for a reason and he sure knew what he was doing when he placed my Texas friends into my life.  It opened up my eyes to the positive side of friendship and how fun it can be.   

The experiences I had with "friends" during my teens and early twenties have caused me to be a very cautious person when it comes to new friendships.  Over the past ten plus years I have been blessed with some wonderful friendships, but it has taken me a long time to trust people and move from a casual friendship to one of more substance.  This year I hope to mend a few friendships from the past, but also deepen the relationships I have with those I trust and feel safe with.  I know nothing is ever foolproof, but I hope at this point and time in my life I won't have to feel the hurt and disappointment I experienced all those years ago.  

Owning our story without shame is so freeing.  Here's to taking a chance and trusting the people God has placed in my life at this juncture are here for a reason.  I am so thankful for the women in my life and I look forward to seeing our journeys unfold.     

                 

       

Lightening the Load

Life takes us on a journey of unexpected twists and turns.  Some are welcome twists and others may leave us with with a heavy heart.  We all handle these unwelcome twists in different ways.  Some are easy to let go of and others may stay with us for some time.  It is so hard to carry these burdens and after time we need to make peace and resolve them.

For years I've been bothered by two particular friendships that have slipped away in the last decade.  I have been so confused and hurt by the dissolution of these friendships, yet I've never shared this with them.  I've spoken about it with my husband and one of my best friends, but never the actual people who have caused the hurt and confusion.

In my heart I believed the sadness would eventually fade, but I've come to realize I need to stop waiting for the day these feelings will magically disappear, because let's face it, they won't.  Instead, I have finally allowed myself to be vulnerable.  I finally wrote what I've said in my head a million times and sent it to them.

To be honest, I am not expecting to receive a response.  It would be welcome, but the simple act of finally saying my peace has lightened the load.  It is no longer a burden I am privately carrying around in my heart.  It is freeing and I am so glad it is done.

This may be the first step on a long journey of ridding myself of the hurt and burdens that have followed me around through the years.  It is a simple fact:  we will have our fair share of pain, disappointment, and betrayal during our time on this earth.  In some cases it may bring us down for a bit, but soon after we are able to put it behind us and move on.  Others may bring much more pain. We need to take the time to reflect on and pray about how to handle these situations.

In order to finally have peace, we have to do our best to resolve these situations.  It may not be easy. It may cause us to feel anxious and afraid, but to free ourselves we must be vulnerable.  The outcome may not always be what we had hoped, but walking through life with these burdens is no way to live.