Above All, Choose Kind

I recently finished reading Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton.  If you haven't read Carry On Warrior or this, you're missing out.  She's a straight shooter who had serious struggles for much of her life, lost herself along the way, yet in the end persevered.  What I admire most, though, is her willingness to share her story with others without shame, even though it's messy and uncomfortable. She has a fantastic blog, Momastery, and freely speaks her mind on so many of today's most controversial issues in a loving, motivating way.  

She uses her platform to encourage people to be tolerant, fight for what's right, and above all, be kind to and love one another...and ourselves.

When I put down her book, I felt inspired, encouraged, and validated.  We have made difficult decisions for our family as of late and choosing to not remain silent about our rationale has led to some unexpected fallout.  At first I was hurt, but over time I have come to see the situation for what it is.  Sometimes someone else's messy truth makes people uncomfortable. 

Perhaps my experience, my voice, will reach into the heart of another mama out there who is struggling.  Maybe she will no longer feel alone and find comfort in knowing there are others out there fighting the good fight right alongside her.  Why should I sit by and be silent?

Seeing the world from someone else's perspective can be difficult.  It seems we are so wrapped up in our own lives that even considering someone else's circumstances may be different is a challenge.  I'm not sure it's ever been quite as evident in my lifetime as it is right now.  Turn on the news, read an editorial, simply look at what's going on around you.  Tunnel vision is everywhere.    

Kindness and compassion have been replaced with intolerance and apathy.  What would happen if people would step back and suppress the urge to argue or attack and simply say, "I hear you.  I am sorry."?

People attempt to tell others how they should feel and belittle and judge them when their opinion differs.  Why do people believe that is okay?  Individuals are entitled to feel emotions and come to their own conclusions based on their personal experiences.  Why do whites feel compelled to discredit how the black community feels?   Why do the middle or upper class feel the need to rebuke and dehumanize people living in poverty?  Why do people attack others who choose a different lifestyle than their own?  Why?  

What makes this even harder for me to wrap my head around is this intolerance isn't limited to behavior among strangers.  This happens in families, with friends.  It seems that nowhere is safe anymore and it is disheartening people spend so much energy bringing people down rather than building them up.    

What happened to the village?  The village where people lifted each other up, unselfishly helped each other, steadfastly supported each other?  Where did it go?  As of late, it seems to have been wiped from existence.

Mamas.  I have a plea for you.  Lead by example.  Those little eyes are watching and when we are expressly showing our intolerance of others, we are teaching our kids to do the same.  When we are brushing someone's feelings aside and trying to impress our feelings and opinions on them, we are teaching our kids to do the same.  When we are outwardly unfairly judging others, we are teaching our kids to do the same.  Choose kindness.  Choose compassion.  Choose love.            

Glennon and I are kindred spirits.  I have never been one to be silent.  I am not ashamed to use my voice.  I have a story to share.  I'm sure you do, too. 

  

Mamas, Listen Up

I recently finished Carry On, Warrior by Glennon Melton.  I have wanted to read this book for a LONG time, but could never find it in my library system.  About a month ago it finally showed up in my search, so I immediately put it on hold.  The old saying rings true:  "Good things come to those who wait."

The book was awesome in a quirky, I'm chatting with a girlfriend, tell it like it is way.  I loved every minute of it.  Don't expect a sequential, organized story, but short stories that ultimately make up the story of her life.  She has overcome and the truth she speaks, her view on the world, and the kindness she inspires will leave you feeling motivated to look at life a little differently.

It really couldn't have come at a better time.  There was one particular part in the book that just spoke to my soul during this time in my life.  I'm going to paraphrase a bit of it.  Go check out the book to get the rest.  I'm sure there's something in there that will speak to you, too.

"Every single child is gifted.  And every child has challenges.  It's just that in the educational system, some gifts and challenges are harder to see."

"And as parents, we can help.  We can help out kids who struggle in school believe that they're okay.  It's just that there's only one way to help them.  And it's hard.  We have to actually believe that our kids are okay."

"Because here's what I believe:  a child can survive a teacher or other children accidentally suggesting that he's not okay, as long as when he comes home, he looks at his mama and knows by her face that he really is okay.  Because that's all they're asking, isn't it?  Mama, am I okay?"

"In the end, a child will call the rest of the world liars and believe his mama.  So when he asks us with his eyes and heart if he's okay, let's tell him:  'Yes, baby.  You are okay...'"

Oh, cue the tears.  This was just the little piece of wisdom I needed to hear this week.

I have a little guy who wants nothing more than to please others, do the right thing, and have positive relationships with his peers.  From the outside, you would think this wouldn't be a challenge, but when you peel away the layers and break into the core of who he is, it is, indeed, very difficult.

He has trouble following directions, controlling his emotions, and engaging appropriately with other kids.  He is high energy, quick to act, and as stubborn as they come.  He is independent, strong-willed, and loud.  Very, very loud.

He is my son.  My adorable little gift from God that challenges me repeatedly on a daily basis.  He is loving, athletic, and creative.  He is a thinker, a daredevil, and a jokester.  He has the best laugh and would love nothing more than to be moving all day long.

His gifts can be a challenge for others to see.  Us included.

His temper, unwillingness to cooperate at times, and emotional outbursts cause people to stare.  I have had plenty of people give me "the look."  You know, the one where they are implying you are an incompetent parent and have no idea how to control your child after observing you for half a second.

I have received phone calls and emails from school letting me know he is struggling, being uncooperative, and having difficulty controlling his emotions.  There are times when I am at a loss, because I'm more than aware of the issues at hand, but receive resistance when I suggest we create a modified plan for his educational setting.

I have feared for his safety too many times to count when he has impulsively taken off when he should stay close.  I feel sad when he shares his frustration and struggles at school and with his peers.  I feel horrible when I personally reach my breaking point and just want him to chill out and cooperate.

It is, to say the least, a challenge day in and day out.

But I know God has a plan for this spunky, cute, little blond-haired, blue-eyed boy of ours.  I'm convinced he'll be quite successful someday given his persistence and tenacity, but first we'll need to work through the struggles and spend more time focused on his gifts rather than his challenges.

We'll need to make sure that he knows he's okay, even when school is a struggle, which it is proving to be already.  We'll need to make sure he knows he's okay, especially when his peers hurt his feelings with their words and actions.  We'll need to make sure he knows he's okay, when he notices his differences (which he undoubtedly already has) and simply wants to control himself and do the right thing.

But most of all, we will hold that little boy close and tell him how much he is loved.  We will fight tooth and nail to do what is right for him regardless of the roadblocks that are put in our way.  We won't stop until we find the right people to help him along the way.

Because we believe.

He is okay.  He is more than okay.  He is wonderful.

And he'll believe that, because his mama said it's true.