Learning the Hard Way

When I was younger, I vividly remember my parents doing their best to instill wisdom in their often- rebellious teenager.  They would offer words of caution, but when I would not heed their advice, these words would typically slip from their mouths:  "I guess you'll have to learn the hard way."

Oh how true this is.  Even in my thirties, this little piece of cautionary advice holds true and last night I could once again hear their voices ringing in my ears when things went south and I realized I had made a mistake.

This fall, against my better judgement, I opted to try one more time and give some of my precious time to an organization.   My husband wisely encouraged me not to,  but I did not listen.  Ultimately, I did not make this decision because I wanted to, but because I felt I should.  

Maybe you have experience with this as well.  You know, those nagging feelings of guilt that tend to creep into our minds when they are least welcome and end up overriding our intuitive gut feeling.  

Good riddance guilt.  From now on I am going to channel my inner Olivia Pope and listen to my gut. 

I have read many wonderful books, including The Best Yes by Lysa Terkeurst and For the Love by Jen Hatmaker that touch on this very difficult, but important topic:  saying no to the inconsequential, unfulfilling opportunities that arise in our lives to make room for the best yeses.  The experiences and opportunities that are a breath of fresh air; that fill us up, make us feel alive, and leave a lasting mark on this world and in our hearts.    

If you have said yes to something that doesn't fill your bucket, have the wisdom to leave it behind.  Life is much too short to waste our precious time partaking in a group, activity, or committee out of feelings of obligation coupled with a side of guilt.       

Ultimately, continuing to do so only ends up hurting you and your family.  Last night, instead of spending my time focused on my kids and enjoying a nice dinner and bedtime routine, I was distracted, frustrated, and upset and I can easily trace it all back to that decision I made back in the fall out of obligation.

This was not fair to my family or me, especially given my husband was traveling for business and I was solo-parenting.  I should have had the wisdom to stop the interaction, but I didn't.  In the end, I was up way too late dealing with the problem, upset it had occurred in the first place, and feeling guilty because my kids got the short end of the stick.  A no-win all around.

During this year of people, these are the experiences I want to learn from and ultimately grow as an individual, wife, and mother.  My family deserves the best version of me that I can possibly be.  To do this, I need to learn to let go of the guilt, say no so I can reserve my time for the best yeses, and tune out the outside noise when others may not agree with my decision. 

Neither you nor I have to learn the hard way anymore.  

When presented with a choice, consider the pros and cons, listen to your gut, and be confident in your decision.  Who knows what wonderful opportunity may lie ahead simply because we gave ourselves permission to say no.  

#theyearofpeople