Oh the Heartache

I don't think I understood how badly my heart would hurt as a mom.  You know... that sinking sensation and the ache you feel when you're disappointed, let down, or just feeling blue.  It's hard when you experience it first-hand, but I was not prepared for it to hurt even more when one of my little ones is having a tough time.

There are times when I feel like I am reliving experiences from my childhood and boy does it hurt.  I've not been shy about sharing my difficulties with peer relationships growing up.  I struggled from middle school through college and it had a lasting impact on me.  

I often felt misunderstood, alone, and on the outside looking in.  I didn't really find a peaceful place until after I graduated from college and moved far away from home.  To be honest, I still struggle with this at times and I'm well into my thirties.    

Those experiences have caused me to be very cautious when exploring new relationships and it is why my circle of trusted friends is quite small by most people's standards.  But you know what?  I'm okay with that.  

I think this is why it is so hard when my kids come to me with their relationship struggles.  I would give anything for them to not have to feel the heartache I did for all those years.  I know they'll find their way, but that doesn't make it any easier. 

There are times I want to march out and find the kids who are calling my kids names and just plain being mean.  I want to tell them to include my child and not make them feel unworthy.  That mama bear wants to come out and protect her cubs, but I don't.  

I listen.  

I comfort them and do my best to encourage them to stay true to who they are.  

A wonderful, inspiring author I have the privilege of knowing tells kids all over this country these words that are so true:  "Stay true to who you are.  Your people are out there and one day they'll find you."  

In the meantime, I'll do my best to encourage my kids to keep their heads up.  I'll encourage them to seek out kids who they feel like they can be their true selves with and not have to change to fit in.  I'll comfort them, hug them, and hold them when they cry.  I'll pray for their people to show up.

I'll also let them know how loved they are; how they are a wonderful gift from God and a true blessing to our family.  

They have tender, caring hearts and I have the utmost faith one day they'll use their tender-hearted souls to make a positive difference in this world.  

Until then, I'll continue to pray for their safety, health, and well-being.  And if the big guy upstairs is listening, I pray He'll place kindness on the hearts of kids everywhere.  

#kindnessrevolution

#theyearofpeople  

   

  

Silencing the Critic

I gotta tell you all.  This "year of people" is going to be filled with many rewarding moments, but it is also shaping up to have many, many challenges along the way, too.

The cynicism and negativity that encompasses our country right now is almost unbearable.  It has spread its ugly wings into nearly every facet of our lives and it is such an uncomfortable, undesirable place to be.  Imagine how different our lives would be if we were surrounded by people who looked for the best in others.  Who assumed good things would happen rather than expecting the worst.  Imagine how great it would be if people spent more time building others up rather than tearing them down.

Our world would be much more peaceful and civil if people woke each day and made one simple choice:  to be kind to others.

This negative, downward spiral seems to be everywhere.  From politics to the news coverage, schools to places of business, neighborhoods and communities, and everywhere in between.  For some reason people tend to focus on the worst case scenario rather than the best.  They speak down to others and exert their power rather than listening and working side-by-side.  When they don't agree, they take to slinging words and dig in their heels with little to no willingness to compromise.  How are we ever going to move forward as a community, state, or country when very few are willing to listen to or work with those whose opinions differ?

Oh, it is so sad.

I have dealt with this on a personal level more times than I'd like to count and if you've put yourself out there at all,  I'm willing to bet you have too.  You see, by nature I'm a doer.  I have a difficult time sitting idly by waiting for something to happen.  For someone else to step up.  For a change to occur.  I inherited this trait from my father and as I grow older, I see this more and more.  My dad worked hard to make his community a better place and I aspire to do the same.  I am fortunate to have a great example to follow.  

I like to solve problems.  I enjoy creating groups to meet a need in my community and connecting people to one another.  There are times I step in to fill a void or I get a group up and running and, once it's established, step away.  Other times, when there is a cause I am extremely passionate about, I set the plan into motion and work tirelessly to make it successful and find a way to make it grow. The creation and success of From Cover to Cover is a prime example.  

It is simply how I am wired and though it can be frustrating and exhausting along the way, it is all done for the right reasons and comes from a good place.  I think it's safe to say that is how most of the doers out there feel.    

That is why unfair judgement and negativity can be so devastating.  The pressure for perfectionism and the unrealistic expectations that accompany that is likely why few people are willing to put themselves out there to be part of a movement for change.  It is why we have a lot of doers doing nothing at all. 

Being a doer is not easy.  I'll be the first to admit I am easily offended.  My feelings have been hurt more times than I can count and I really struggle with the criticism and pessimism that often accompanies the suggestion of change.  What bothers me the most, though, are people who make assumptions before bothering to find out the facts.  People who close the door before they even listen to what you have to say.  It is the trend of our society and if we're ever going to make positive progress, this mindset needs to change.  Let us be open-minded, tolerant, and positive.  Above all, let us be kind.

One of my favorite authors, Brene Brown, starts her best book (in my opinion) Daring Greatly with this quote from Theodore Roosevelt:

Last week my husband and I spoke to a group of college students at our alma mater.  We concluded our presentation with this quote, because we truly believe in being the person in the arena.  We believe in change and positive progress.  Whether you fail or succeed, it is better to be face down in the arena marred with dust and sweat and blood than choosing to do nothing for fear of creating something less than perfect or failure.  

The only thing worse is being the critic in the stands.

Deep down everyone is a doer.  I hope we inspired those college students to get into the arena.  I hope you will get in the arena, too.  I'm certain your little corner of the world will benefit from that voice, that whisper urging you to get out there and try.  There will be people around every corner who will do their best to deter you, make you second-guess yourself, and cover you with their cloud of negativity, but if you dig deep enough and believe in yourself, you'll overcome those obstacles.  You may fail a time or two, but stay positive.  And kind.  One day you'll get there.  

The day will come when you'll look out at the critics in the stands and smile knowing you've succeeded.    

    

             

       

     

  

From the Ground Up

Food for thought.  

I am becoming more and more frustrated with the chatter in our society, especially during this political season, regarding the lower class and those living in poverty. So many are referred to as being lazy, undeserving of hand-outs, thugs, etc. Sure, there are people that fit into that category (let us not forget there are people in other social classes who fit into that category as well), but my heart breaks for those who come from families who have lived in poverty for generations. They are at the bottom of a mountain looking up from day one.

It's hard to become a "productive citizen," when your basic needs aren't met. It's hard to become a good student when you are hungry, tired, and do not have the tools at home to practice the very skills you are taught at school.  It's hard to understand how to be socially appropriate when violence surrounds you and you don't have positive role models.  

Some are able to escape, but many are not and the cycle continues.

It is my hope that people realize how important it is for education equality and reform. The above-mentioned statistic has always troubled me, which is why I feel compelled to do what I can to make a difference, however big or small it may be. Children growing up in poverty have the deck stacked against them. It is a world we cannot even begin to understand, yet there are so many who are quick to judge and make generalizations.

Let's face it. Education for middle and upper class children is far superior to that of their low-income peers. Low-income schools are underfunded and in disrepair. They do not have the necessary materials and tools needed for learning and the extra support and enrichment activities are lacking.  

They do not have PTA's who raise thousands of dollars each year to provide the teachers and school with the "extras." I found an article on the Waiting for Superman Facebook page that touches on this subject to be very thought-provoking.  

Plain and simple there is a large achievement gap and it needs to be remedied. Take this local example: Monroe (Davenport) vs. Hopewell (Pleasant Valley). Now look at the nation's biggest cities:

It is a huge reason why we work so hard at From Cover to Cover to get something as simple as books into kids' homes, but it's so much more than that. We want those kids to know we care and that they matter.  We want them to know that there are people who are in their corner and supporting them.

It is why we continue to forge ahead, grow our programs, and find more money to reach our goals.  It is also why the ultimate goal is to expand our organization and start branches in different parts of the country.  Proficient literacy skills are imperative for future success.  We just pray that our little dream grows into a big, huge, amazing organization someday. 

A true cultural shift will not occur until our local, state, and national governments address this problem in a productive way and come up with a plan to truly lead the efforts to make a change.  

Those of us who live a life of privilege need to step up to the plate, too.  If you have a safe place to sleep, food on the table, and clothes on your back then I'm talking to you.  It's about more than donating food, clothes, or money from afar.  Those are all great gifts, but it's time to get your hands dirty, get in the trenches, and see first-hand what is going on.  Bring your children along, too.

I recently came across this thought by Father Murray Powell in a book I'm reading (Rising Strong by Brene Brown):  "When you look away from a homeless person, you are diminishing their humanity and your own."

It would be so refreshing if those of us who can would take the attitude of "how can I help" rather than "they don't deserve."    

In the next week I have the privilege to speak to high school juniors and college students regarding the work that is done through From Cover to Cover.  I am excited and know these opportunities are for a greater purpose.  My goal is to open some eyes, inspire the next generation, and leave them hungry to do something for the greater good.  

I want them to take that spark and light a fire.  

Our nation is so divided and people are willing to attack those who don't share the same viewpoint, often in extremely aggressive ways. The lack of respect people have for others is unnerving. So many are enraged and complain, yet stand idly by and do nothing to help.

It is time to turn the table. It is time to let go of the animosity and anger and turn it into productivity and hope. It's time to show up for those who need help and start the change train rolling. Hop on board.

#theyearofpeople