Refueling the Tank

We did it.  After months and months of talking about going away for our tenth anniversary we pulled off the band-aid and booked a trip...one week before we left.  What a fantastic decision it was!  You may wonder how we could pull that off given we have four kids who needed to be taken care of while we were gone, but putting a bug into the grandma's ears several months ago helped.  We asked them to keep that week free, just in case, and bless their hearts they did.

My husband and I looked at several different destinations over the course of the past year and finally ended up choosing Boston.  This may sound like an odd choice in November, but it was perfect!  We landed there because we found a fantastic flight deal from Chicago and just ran with it.  We ate (a lot), walked all over the city, and hit up a few pubs to relax and enjoy the music.  It was a quick trip, but filled with so much sightseeing, eating (did I mention that?!), and uninterrupted time together that it was well worth it.  Three quiet dinners in a row was amazing!

The kids all survived (even though a tornado literally passed behind our house while we were away!) and, if I'm being honest, may have enjoyed their time away from us just as much as we did from them.  My husband and I don't get away enough alone, but have vowed to try to make a quick getaway work for our anniversary each year from now on.  Picking a place to explore together and taking it in is so worth the time and the money.

I returned refreshed and feeling significantly less stagnant.  I feel a little more calm and motivated to work on this not-so-little unit called my family.  I've read time and time again that the mother in the household sets the tone.  Most days, I am not setting a very good one, as the chaos of the morning before school routine usually gets the best of me.

However, on this dreary Monday morning I got my troops out the door with little "loud voice" usage.  I even had time on our short trip to school to give them a little challenge.  I asked them to seek out a kid in their class they wouldn't typically talk to, tell them good morning, and ask how their weekend was.

I asked them if there were any kids who may be lonely because other kids don't include them or are mean to them.  I was so pleased when my kids didn't think there was anyone in their class like that-I hope that it is true.  We talked about how there are many kids who experience this on a daily basis and discussed how they might feel.  Sad is what came to their minds.  We talked about their responsibilities at school:  to be kind to others, to listen to their teacher, and do their best.

I dropped my kiddos off at school and left with a full heart.  That simple, meaningful conversation left me filled with so much joy.  Boy, have I been missing out on those stressful mornings before school.  Today may have just been the lesson that I needed.

Spending a few minutes talking with my precious brood before I send them out into this uncertain world is important.  I want to build my kids up and encourage them to do the same for their peers.  If lessons like I shared with them this morning are the last thing they hear before walking through the doors of the school, it may just make it easier for them to take action.

We live in an unstable, scary world right now, but we cannot let fear overcome our lives.  What we can do is take care of our corner of the world and it starts with the people living within the walls of our homes.  We can raise children who choose kindness over cruelty, empathy over indifference, and go out of their way to seek out the lonely and mistreated.

It took some time away to refuel the tank, but I'm back with a vengeance and ready to nurture and guide my family.  I am committed to leading by example rather than standing behind empty words.

I hope you are, too.  Mamas, let's join together and do our share to raise a generation of thoughtful, kind, and compassionate kids.  Let us seek out the lonely and oppressed.  Let us set a positive tone for our families and when we feel like we just can't give anymore, may we be kind to ourselves and find the time to refuel.

Running on empty simply isn't good for anyone.

I love this song.  Each time I hear it on the radio, it strikes a chord within me, and I wanted to share it with you!  Enjoy!

Balance

November is upon us and with that comes the gentle reminder to count your blessings.  In my heart I know I have been abundantly blessed in my years on this earth.  I had a great childhood, married a wonderful man, have four amazing kids, and a great support system of friends and family.  I have more than I would ever need and the opportunity to stay at home, raise my family, and volunteer my time as I see fit.  On paper this all sounds gloriously awesome, so I can't help but feel guilty that deep within my soul I feel like I'm suffocating.

I don't believe I am alone.  I have many friends who stay at home with their darling little children and these questions seem to come out quite often:  who am I and what is next?  Staying home with your children is hard.  It is easy to lose yourself with the demands of everyday life, decreased socialization, and years of little sleep.

All of my life I have been a busy person.  I participated in various sports, joined clubs, played the piano, sang in my church choir, and preferred to be on the go rather than stuck at home.  I was a gifted student, had a lot of drive, and was always full of ideas.  I know I am wired to go, go, go.

 In my mind I am still that young, free person who can pursue those dreams and have the freedom to go when I choose, but in reality it just doesn't work anymore.  I have a large family and a husband who works long hours and travels.  My primary job is to make sure this household is running as smoothly as possible and the kids are cared for, but that person who wants to be independent, on the move, engaged in activities, and making plans is living inside of me yearning to be free.

Perhaps it sounds selfish and those who know me well may be thinking, "What?  She's always busy with something," but while I may seem busy it is so hard to finish what I started because life always seems to get in the way.  There always seems to be something: someone is sick, I have no one to watch the kids, or simply no energy left once everyone has been put to bed for the night.

Perhaps my viewpoint would be different if I had a career with tangible rewards:  a paycheck, a promotion, a pat on the back for a job well done.  Maybe a set schedule, clear expectations, and set tasks to finish the job would help.  These thoughts and the desire to work played a large roll in the development of my newly launched small business.  Truth is, I don't know if it will make a difference.  Only time will tell.

My focus this year on getting sh*t done has yielded many great results, but it has also caused me to look inside of myself more and try to pinpoint what is fulfilling in my life and what is missing.  Reflection is important for growth, but it can also be painful.  It is hard to admit that motherhood is more of a challenge than I ever could have imagined.  It is hard to admit that, while I will always love my kids, there are days that they drive me crazy.  It is hard to admit that I struggle, day in and day out, with what I should be doing with my life rather than enjoying the path I have chosen.  It is so hard for me to just live in the moment.  

So while I may be sitting her stifling my feelings of suffocation, I am also eternally grateful to be the beneficiary of so many blessings.  One day I hope to achieve a sense of balance; of being able to fulfill my obligations to my family while staying true to myself and not suppressing who I am wired to be.

Life is a work in progress.  It is time to forge ahead.