This particular fall brings about a big change for our family. Three of our kids will be in school full-time, which means a huge shift in dynamics for me personally during the day: I will just be left with my youngest. I haven't had just one child at home in years. One would think I would want to take full advantage of this and soak up the sanity that is bound to come with this change, but this will not be the case.
I continue to find myself restless. In fact, if I'm brutally honest, I have been restless since I was home alone with just one child all of those years ago. It is simply my personality and as hard as I try to stay in the moment and not look ahead, the truth of the matter is I can't. By nature I am a doer.
For years I have poured myself into different projects to feel fulfilled in a different capacity other than wife and mother. I frequently question if staying at home was the right decision for me and my kids. Most would say yes, but there is always that creeping doubt that maybe I would be a better mother if I had chosen a different path.
This staying home gig is no joke. It is exhausting and tries my patience in ways I never knew possible. There are days I just want a break from the tantrums, fighting, and noise. A job outside of the home, though it comes with it's share of challenges as well, seems so very appealing.
We recently returned from an extended road trip and while staying at a hotel I saw so many career men and women gathering in the lobby for breakfast. There must have been a big national meeting for some company, as they all seemed to know each other. As I watched these people exchange pleasantries and share updates about their families, I couldn't help but picture myself in their shoes.
What would life be like if I had a career which involved traveling and meeting new people? Would I feel less restless if I was out there pursuing this path or would I miss my family terribly?
For now, I won't know the answer to these questions anytime soon. I have no plan to join the corporate world where national sales meetings occur or a job which requires me to travel. I do, however, have plans to pursue the business venture I started working on several months ago.
If all goes well, I'll soon have a career other than stay-at-home mom, and perhaps those nagging restless thoughts will finally dwindle. While I'm not ready to officially share what this business venture is just yet, I will say it certainly capitalizes on my job experience over the past 8 years.
In just 13 days the noise level in my house will decrease ten-fold. There will not be toys strewn all over the floor, sports games being played, and towns being built of blocks. Lazy mornings in pajamas with breakfast being eaten whenever, will soon give way to the hustle and bustle of getting ready for school and packing lunches.
I know a few weeks after school starts I'll miss my kids. Such is the cycle we are constantly living. This time, though, I'll be busy working on starting a career of my own which will hopefully benefit our family in more ways than one. Only time will tell, bit I'd rather take the risk and get the game rather than watch from the sidelines.
It is the year to get sh*t done. This next adventure is pretty big sh*t.
Cheers to another chapter closing and new beginnings!
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